Should I be careful of these things turning blue and evil and then taking over my kitchen??? #Buffy

I bet you can’t laugh without smiling.

=:o)

tai hao le! sooo good!

I’d love a little Fred flare for the holidays!

I want it all! Each item is better then the last. I didn’t get a google notebook so can’t I win this, plz?

This Fred stuff could not be any cuter!
no, i’m not going to write a poem or anything,
but the thought of winning any of these adorable items is totally distracting me from all the studying I need to do for my finals next week.
love it!!

so… seems like the ninja bread men are the crowd favorite. this giveaway could be the gift that keeps giving. As much as i LOVE these fantastically creative culinary treasures… I would LOVE to share the wealth with friends.

what would YOU do if you got an anonymous handlebar mustache wine key in the mail?!? obviously you would host a mustache wine party.

the gifts that keep giving :)

War is over! Merry Christmas!

I want to be able to drink cupcakes =)

What did one snowman say to another snowman?

“Do you smell carrots?”

AND - those brain ice cubes will put me in touch with my inner zombie. That is something I’ve always wanted to do.

I want want want those ninjabread men! Well, and the other stuff, too. The measuring cup will make me feel smarter every time I use it, and the wine opener will make me look good with a mustache. But, I don’t think I can eat cookies without those ninjabread men cookie cutters.

:)

(^smiling is contagious, like yawns.)

What did the 0 say to the 8?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Nice Belt.

Sending everyone positive vibes! Love the Fred flare stutf! Ninja bread cookies are my fave! Happy holidays

that feeling of simple happiness that’s more than often inexplicable both in nature and in origin — you know the one. It’s when you’re walking down to pick up the mail and you feel a goofy smile etched on your face and a slight spring in your step, because it doesn’t matter where you’re going or what’s going to happen, in that moment you’re just simply happy. It may have been because you overheard someone say something nice about you or because a really good song came on the radio just as you turned it on and maybe it’s because you woke up and realized it was saturday and you can stay in bed. It’s the simple things the ones that produce the greater happiness most of the time. So my comment goes to that happiness that comes from the oddest of places.

Considering where I’m from, I had no inkling of who is(or what is) Fred? But when I’ve got my eyes on those boomshakalakabombastik items, Fred is totally the man! XD

All I’m getting for Christmas is cold hard cash - Five bucks frozen in a block of ice; so this would be a lovely surprise for me to receive!!! :)

“Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.”

What I find most interesting about these items isn’t how elegant or crazy they are, but how simple they are, how practical they are, and how aesthetically pleasing they are. Proof of concept that you don’t need to sacrifice functionality to have something that looks nice.

I had a pet frog that choked on a cricket. He was laying upside down on his little frog beach with the cricket hanging out of his mouth. DEAD.

sad and funny.

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”

Not quite sure what clock NOTCOT uses but as it is still before midnight for me, I’ll tell anyone after me to youtube “Ducks blown off their feet by the wind” for a quick, and harmless giggle. Something about the chicks rolling is adorable! Oh and also the fact that astronauts actually enjoy watching pee being ejected into space, because the way the sun hits the droplets is actually very beautiful. :P

Cats + Laser pointers = FUN

Christmas Spirit is in the air, Our Tree is up, Our angel is there, our coco mugs filled, the fire burning, Our hearts Good willed, feel that Christmas yearning. Snow Forecasted according to dad, presents to be wrapped, We are so glad. To our Friends and Family out West, and the ones who live near, we wish you the Best- Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Could really use those ninjabread cookie cutters to complete my Chinese themed ginger bread house idea for a gingerbread house making competition

My brother wrote a song for his band The Sentimental Favorites (check them out, Providence, 12/18!) - titled “Christmas at the Roelle’s”:
Egg egg eggnog in the mus mus mustache of my fa fa father is funny ha ha ha ha.

Never thought I’d ever called a mustache cute. Or even useful!

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic!

Merry Christmas!

LOVE LOVE LOVE FRED! i have the jeweled ice cubes

so much fun here :)
happy holidays

I gave up my seat on the train today to someone who looked tired and like they needed it more than me. I hope that, if you need a seat or a hug or a hot cup of coffee sometime, someone offers you one.

We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.

I almost wish I had a dog named Fred. Too bad my name isn’t Fred…

I have a dog who’s name is not Fred.

However.

Twice in the past week, we have found human hairs sticking out of his butthole. He must have eaten them.

It’s a bit yucky, but it sure made us smile.

ninja bread men, leaf bowl scrapers, mustache wine opener… these are really cool things, i want a present this year, it’d be nice… thank you

Q: Do y’all know the plural form of y’all?
A: All y’all.

So this isn’t a joke, just a link that’s been amusing me endlessly lately: http://kimjongillookingatthings.tumblr.com/

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then
when you do criticize that person, you’ll be a mile away and
have his shoes.

My friend Melissa Morris Ivone was recently awarded $2,500 for her efforts in spreading nice behavior via her site Operation Nice. It’s a fun site with lots of good ideas. Check it out! http://www.operationnice.com/

Well, I bought some fred paper cups a while back for a party, the had some noses printed on them, and everybody loved them. They felt guilty when they threw them away because they were so awesome. I’d really like some more stuff the spice up my parties.

Everyone forgets to remember the good things about people. Take a second to remember them and appreciate all of the amazing people around you as well as remembering how awesome you are.

Ever wake up with a pair of jeggings on after a long night of drinking?

Bitch, you been JEGGED!

A child tells his mother, “Mom I’m gonna win you a turkey” the mom then asks, “Child how are you gonna win me a turkey?”
The child says, ” well they’re having a contest out behind the hardware store and the person with the biggest peeter wins a turkey.” The mom then says, ” boy I don’t want you pulling out all your peeter in front of all them people.” the child replies, ” mother I’m not gonna pull it all out just enough to win the turkey.” lol
Happy holidays to all especially to NOTCOT !!!!

one grain of sand to the other grain of sand: ” psssst….don’t look now, but I think we’re sorrounded!” (I know…it isn’t funny….but so CUTE!)

Stop it! Stop it! These posts are getting silly!
I will not let it get silly.

Where are you, Graham Chapman, when we need you?

oh how i love thee, fred. keeping my fingers crossed.

LOVE Fred! From the blown glass ‘half pint’ to the funny face plates this crackerjack design team always finds the perfect mix of function and funny.

I’m in love!

I NEED those ninjabread man cookie cutters! I know so many ninjas and the only way to keep them from sneaking up and attacking you is to give them cookies. That and play Kung Fu Fighting.

I can’t believe I’ve not seen thoes ninjia cookie cutters before!

Love your stuff and want more!

an equal measure of brain freeze

I have two little girls, 3 and 2. The youngest has a slight lisp and at times I will ask the oldest what her younger sister said. I suppose she got tired of this as the last time I ask she said “I’m not your interpreter.”

If I win, I’ll make everyone Ninja Cookies. Really!

whenever i am down because i realize my life is in disarray because i didn’t get my master’s degree before getting married and reproducing, or how my marriage is crumbling, or how my children will undoubtedly carry some remnants from their less-than-ideal childhoods into their future relationships and need counseling like i do, i pull out some jolly household goods from good ol’ Fred and Friends and remember to be cheery because at least we kept it fun and unconventional.

One time my dad farted, and my little sister ran out of the room crying. Average day.

got into Fred after my friend got me the Murder Note Pad. been hooked ever since.

Life is too short to have dull kitchen accessories. Fred to the rescue!

we jsut got our first christmas tree for our first house for the first time wei’ll actually be together for christmas (5yrs in to the relationship) and i can’t wait to see how it holds up to three 16.6lb SPASTICATS!

You know, if I were to die right now, in some sort of fiery explosion due to the carelessness of a friend…well, that would just be ok. Whew! It’s a good thing that was only a sea bear, this dirt circle would never protect us against a sea rhinoserous.

What, you want me to think in order to win a prize? I can’t mindlessly click on Auto-fill and continue to browse on Fred’s site and figure out what to get my great-aunt’s third husband’s nephew for Christmas—thus enabling me to procrastinate in doing the work which in olden days would be piling up and off my desk, but now just fills my e-mail In Box. I don’t want to think. Geez. I guess I wrote a comment. Merry Holidays and a bright New Year!

Long live Fred & Friends!

I’m going to try to use “The Secret” to win this thing. I really hope it works like they say it does ;)

Is Fred single? If not, where can I get one?

Oooooooh badassness - and this is coming from the ORIGINAL Megan Fox… Muahahahaha! Also, I don’t ever win anything so…. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!

Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
Wife: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. Where’s the car?”
Wife: “In the swimming pool.”

I’m so nervous about this. You know, winning/not winning. I hope I do — there will be beer and high-fives. Yet anxious. And surprisingly, I haven’t gone to the bathroom once.

i enjoyed stabbing my voodoo doll toothpick holder all 50 times to fill him up. he didnt move much during the process. he has a high tolerance for pain.

Almost witty story: I live in Minneapolis and we just got hit with 18 inches of snow. This morning a local radio station was asking people to call in to share their OMG stories from the blizzard (Did your roof cave in, did you have to give birth in the living room ‘cause you were snowed in, etc.” My 13-year-old daughter sarcastically suggested that we call in and say, “After the blizzard we shovelled a path through the yard for the mailman. We found the mailman.”

What comes before part B? -Part AAAYYYY [add raise the roof gesture]

i want this! i want this! i want this!

I love Fred and Friends!!!! I have six of your FROZEN SMILES ice-trays…and it has been a HIT with my buds. THOSE MATROYSHKA MEASURING CUPS ARE TO DIE FOR.

Sweet deal!

..I recently purchased the “Beat It” chopsticks for my friend for Christmas; but have yet to wrap them because I want them for myself! Hmm, who really needs that many sets of chopsticks…. maybe I can just split the package up?! (or maybe I’ll win this Giveaway and we both win then!) Happy Holidays, either way! heh 0;).

This is the best holiday give away ever. :D

Hey Fred…I’m one of your BEST friends……..truly!

I am in LOVE with this line!! I wish I had a kitchen FULL of it!!

Gimme Gimme! I need Fred for Christmas!!!

wow… i don’t know about everyone after, but everyone before did so well… Congrats!

yes please!

GIGA PUDDING!!!!

please please please
giga pudding!
youtube it, you will love it!

Ninjabread men!!!!

Can you say stocking stuffers for Christmas 2011. Well, some of them anyway. :-)

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

An obscure amout you’ve never heard of.

The Flora Silicone Spoon and Spatula would make a fun new bedroom toy :).

Every morning on the tree outside my tiny downtown apartment I have three little fluffy starlings that puff themselves out in the sun and chirp ever so nicely. So cute. Like a little bit of nature in the city.

Google “melted snowman cookies”
Nothing brings a smile to my face like digging into a batch of sugar cookies with this very “Farside” theme. Gary Larson would be proud!!!

A skeleton walks in to a bar and says, “I’m thirsty. Give me a beer and a mop.”

Going out for a meal of sushi in London is a really expensive way to starve. :)

Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it. :)

This give away makes me hungry!

Not so long ago,In a land not so far far away,
There lived a great man named Fred,
famous for his handlebar moustache and his big round head.
Kicking ass together with his friends fresh from the oven,
Who you gonna call? The Ninjabread Men!
Armed with drums, wit, chop, and sticks,
Shouting out, “hi-yaAh! 1, 2 & 3, Beat it!”
Now it’s time for an afternoon break,
Eat some, drink some Tea cupcake,
Equal Measure for one and all,
A dash of Salt & Peeper for the egg roll,
Oops! they got Brain freeze,
They ate too much ice that they couldn’t squeeze.
Up high they see Birds on a wire,
Wait a minute! the roof is on fire!
Goodness gracious! Matroshyka!
Get the M-cups and call Flora!
Who? What? The Silicone Spoon and Spatula?!
Oh, just call the fire station, call the cops,
And nevermind the bollocks!

Everyone above this line is my friend :)
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Everyone below this line is my friend :)

dad jokes!

Q: what do you call a fish with three eyes?
A: fiiish

it’s more adorable when an old man is saying it.

Fredelicious!

A few lines from our Quote of the Day “project”—-

“Mexican toilet paper? I bet that would be fun.”

“I wish stupid people wouldn’t talk so slow.”

“If you have a door, you don’t have a nook.”

Fred’s dead baby…

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: “We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day! “

Holiday limerick:
There was a young reindeer named Nate
Who at Christmas would procrastinate
“I’ll buy presents tomorrow,”
He’d say, to his sorrow,
for Christmas by Easter’s too late

Two muffins are in an oven…
The first turns and says ” hey, it’s getting hot in here…”
The second screams, “ahhhhh! It’s a talking muffin!”

You know that guy that got his whole left side cut off?
He was all right.
hahahhahahaha

Picture this in your head:
You just got an e-mail from Notcot stating that you just won the Fred giveaway.

Smile.

:)

My little cousin spent the day with me. He is 4 and we hung out making food and talking.
I decided to show him how to make weird toast experiments (grilled cheese, egg in a toast, peanut butter and banana. Finally I showed him the Virgin Mary stamp to make Holy Toast that Fred made.
His parents came to pick him up and as I came back from the door he had stamped the entire loaf.
I had holy toast every day for the next week.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar, one of them stops suddenly in the doorway and exclaims, “Oh my goodness. I think I just lost an electron!” The second, shocked, says “Are you sure?!?” The first says, “Yes! I’m POSITIVE!”

The cutest riddle the world has ever heard,
what’s red and looks like a bucket?

…A red bucket.
What blue and looks like a bucket?

..
…A red bucket in disguise!!!
d’awww

“A True Friend Stabs You In The Front.” :)

Well I just participated in Movember (woot!), so the handlebar mustache bottle opener would be AMAZING! Ninja cookies ftw!

Cat vs Internet: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/cat_vs_internet
The Oatmeal is an ab workout from laughing.

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer’s hoof.

As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, “You know, I think you’re the first reindeer I’ve ever seen in here.”

The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said, “Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I’m the last reindeer you’ll see in here.”

On a hot summer day, had a blast of a time at an amusement park with my family. When everyone was exhausted, drove my Mom and my brother’s wife to a local supermarket to stock up on ice-cream and refreshments. Mom had forgotten her wallet, so I gave her a single bill for a round amount. Time goes on, the sun is scorching, I start whining about women and shopping. To which my 6 year old daughter replies: “I you’d been a smarter man, you wouldn’t have given them so much money”.

Hearty baby belly laughs. You can’t not smile hearing a good one.

oh, snap. its onomatopoeia

If Milli Vanilli fell in the forrest, would someone else make a sound?

I love this stuff!!!
Ok, dudes in speedos.

Did you hear that they’ve brought out a portable stereo which looks like a big chocolate cake?

It’s called a gateaux blaster.

LAST!

…no? Darn it.

(Read aloud)

What is the one foot disease that could destroy the world?

Mistletoe.

What’s not to smile about? I’m happy for whoever wins these great gifts!

What did the sick cookie say to the other cookie?

“I feel crumby.”

:)

Just spent about fifteen minutes making an ASCII kitten drawing and can’t get it to post with the necessary spaces. Bah!

I would never tell him this, but having a cup of coffee with my boyfriend in the morning is the best part of my day XD

(:

I thought I’d share something from Scrubs, one of my favourite TV shows!

Dr. Cox: Would you stay? And watch the game with me? Maybe have a slice of pizza?

J.D.: Of course I will.

Dr. Cox: I can braid your hair. I know the couch isn’t very deep, but we could move the back cushion and spoon. (Addressing his friends who have just walked in the door) Hey you guys, what do you say? Beer and chips in the back. (Turning back to J.D.) Just ignore them, and would you tell me the answer to this question: Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?

Pie Fight!! —-=======[}

Name six animals that specifically live in the Arctic:
2 polar bears, 4 seals

Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom

What happens during puberty to a boy?
He says goodbye to his childhood and enters adultery

when one is only getting 4 hours sleep every night (blame the kids) the world begins to take on a strange edge, sort of like the weird twitch i get after too many espressos… hmmm, is that the sleep deprivation or the caffeine talking?

Lasers! What’s more fun than that?

my cat as he kisses on the mouth to wake me up in the morning. cutest and funniest thing.

*singing*
Fred and his friends are sitting here havin’ fun…
Got so much work to do before the day is done…

Gonna wax my face, or rather remove a waxy cork…
Hold on that, I’m gonna eat dinner with my beard fork…

I’m baking cookies in shapes that hurt ouchie ow…
Better keep them vegan so the cookies don’t kill a cow…

I gotta beat on my rice, it’s actually very nice…
Make the cymbal the steam and you have a drum kit that should suffice…

I’m gonna don on some gloves and make some cupcake tea…
Who needs to wear pants when you’re wearing gloves seriously…

I have a recipe that asks for the volume of a diseased big toe…
Now I can bake weed brownies cause I’m in the know…

I make my pet bird Fred, throw up on my undercooked eggs…
A bird in the hand is worth avoiding salmonella…

I need to treat my headache, forget the tylenol and excedrine…
Drink some scotch on these symbolcis, pain’s gone, win win…

My crops outside are being eaten by some wafer thin worms…
I’ll sick these paperclips on them, and they’ll be ridden for perms…

My girlfriend wears an M-Cup, I think I’ll give these Matryoshka’s to her…
If they were Babushka dolls, I’d keep them for myself as it were…

Finally, I have to put on lipstick and pretend to be an herbavore…
Wait a second, that’s silicone, I meant siliconivore…

Fred and his friends are sitting here havin’ fun…
Now it’s time for bed, sweet dreams wondering if I’ve won…
*thanks*

p.s. why are so many notcot fans farting? seriously, chew with your mouth closed it helps.

This pirate walks in to a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch.

Bartender asks, ‘Why do you have a driving wheel on your crotch?’

Pirate says ‘Aaaaar, I dunno, but it’s driving me NUTS!’

What kind of jeans does Mario and Luigi wear?

Denim denim denim

:)

My favorite tongue twister, courtesy of my dear Grandad: She slits a sheet, a sheet she slits, and on that slitted sheet she sits.

Two apples were in a tree and one apple said “oh no! I’m falling!!” and the other apple said “oh my gosh! It’s a talking apple!!”

So there were these two penguins on an ice floe…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SW3gJFrZ4hY&feature=player_embedded

“Funny Prank in Japan” - unsuspecting victims are chased by a huge number of Japanese people to see how they will react.

This made me laugh a lot :)

haha.. love the handlebar opener..

it reminded me of this funny little poster/saying - hope it makes you smile like it did me :) http://pinterest.com/pin/1874144/

Why has no one included a pair of travel-sized whisky bottles with every set of Christmas light? Just asking.

-Why are elephants so wrinkled?
-Did you ever try to iron one?

Bah, dum, bah!

My friend had to cut a random girl out of her trousers. She really had to pee.

Penguins waddle when they walk, and when I was a kid I thought it was because they were wind-up toys.

There were two muffins in an oven, and one muffin says to the other muffin,
“Gee, it’s hot in here”
and the other one says,
“Gee, a talking muffin.”

i’m not funny, but i want ninja cookies

Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… CUTE KITTENS!!!

Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?

Think about it?

2 bananas are sitting on the side of the river. A piece of shit goes floating by and yells, “Hey bananas, jump in the water’s perfect!”. One banana looks at the other and says, “You believe that shit?”.

Haikus are easy
but sometimes they don’t make sense
Refrigerator

Fred is my life. My inspiration. My mother.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQSNhk5ICTI

love love love FRED, smile it’s christmas

What is the difference between a snowman & a snowwoman?

SNOWBALLS!!!

A friend of mine in a recent chat:
“In fourth grade I thought boys had cooties. I still do, but now they’re called STD’s”

Is it just me or do my balls itch?

What’s green and bounces around the garden?
A spring onion!

Think seriously: what if you win this bundle?
Now I guess you are smiling.

insert something funny and witty in order to win.

CHEESE!

on IMDb the ratings are usually shown as #/10 but the rating for Spinal Tap goes to 11.

Remember, this holiday season, a severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer!

My son is 3 and says “Very Christmas” instead of “Merry Christmas”. He also says “Jesus Chwist”,but it’s not as cute. Funny, but not cute. ;)

I don’t think anyone has topped the comment Maria Lara made on 10.12.10 at 09:34. So I’ll just take a bit of her advice and post my version:
HELLO, READERS. LOOK AT YOUR COMMENT. NOW BACK TO MINE. NOW BACK AT YOUR COMMENT. NOW BACK TO MINE. SADLY, IT ISN’T MINE, BUT IF IT STOPPED TRYING SO HARD AND SWITCHED TO PARODYING OLD SPICE COMMERCIALS, IT COULD LOOK LIKE IT’S MINE. LOOK DOWN. BACK UP. WHERE ARE YOU? YOU’RE ON NOTCOT WITH THE COMMENT YOUR COMMENT COULD WIN LIKE. WHAT’S IN YOUR HAND? BACK AT THE SCREEN. I HAVE IT. IT’S AN OYSTER WITH A FRED PACK WITH THAT THING YOU LOVE. LOOK AGAIN. THE FRED PACK IS NOW MINE. WINNING IS POSSIBLE WHEN YOUR COMMENT READS LIKE MINE AND NOT YOURS. I’M ON A BREAK.

how about my two favorite jokes?
what do you get when you put a bomb in a french bathroom?

linoleum blowaparte!

what does carl marx put on his pasta?

communist manipesto!

:. :.
:. :.
:. :.
:. :.
 :o

(Santa’s Reindeer)

“my heart is like a taco-stand, and your love is like a health inspector from Zurich” - Tom Robbins

I need ninja-bread men!

1000 sweet corn kernels>

Happy Holidays!

Smiling is contagious so let’s see how this works :-)

puppies wearing argyle sweaters

“I do not like them
in a house.
I do not like them
with a mouse.
I do not like them
here or there.
I do not like them
anywhere.
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.”

why do seagulls live by the sea?
because if they lived by the bay they’d be called bay-gulls. :)

Why don’t you shower with Pokemon?

because they’ll Pikachu!

…Please believe me, Santa please! Please and thank you, I’ve practically been an angel.

In Japan, Jersey Shore is known as “Macaroni Rascals.”

“Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
~The Little Prince

“may the schwartz be with you” -spaceballs

Our little 5-year old (the Bee) told a real joke last week—

the Bee: “Guess what? I know a joke!”
me: “Okay-Tell it to me.”
the Bee: “What’s red and bad for your teeth?”
me: “Umm… I don’t know. What IS red and bad for your teeth?”
the Bee: “A brick.”

He loves ninjas-I’d love to make him ninja cookies kicking a red gingerbread brick wall!

Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?

Since a lot of these goodies have to do with food, here’s a food-related fun fact: did you know that the microwave was invented after a scientist walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket?

Q. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.

:)

I’ve been virtually introduced to so many wonderful things by notcot - some first hand Fred would be a welcome addition.

I vote for Quinn. Roberto…that’s funny.

I just wanta eat all day long, eat eat eat while I sing this song, eat cause it tastes so good. Eat up the neighborhood.

A personal story of the true Christmas Spirit:

I’m studying in England right now and have been away from home since September. Before I was able to open a bank account here, I was using my U.S. debit card to make purchases. I was at the grocery store with my roommate, waiting in line to checkout, when I realized I didn’t have enough cash on me to make the purchase. I ran out to the ATM to withdraw some, but the machine ate my card. I had no other form of money on me and it was during my first week of being abroad, so I had a slight mental breakdown in the store and started to cry because I wouldn’t be able to afford to buy groceries and had nothing to eat. I was completely embarrassed and didn’t know what to do.

Not only did my roommate—a person whom I’d just met a few days prior—offer to help me pay for my stuff, but, while I was sitting on the floor crying, a totally random stranger walked up to me and offered me money. Later, when I got home, my landlords even offered to lend me £100.

I truly feel blessed to be around such excellent people who embody the true spirit and meaning of Christmas.

once i was riding a bike with a friend in front of me, she suddenly stopped for no reason and i had a big jump in front of my bike.. ruining on the street.. i was wearing a dress with a wide skirt, it was summer.. so i let you imagine: BIG UPSKIRT in front of everyone!

a funny work story: so first thing, clenched fist to all my working class homies with degrees and other such nonsense under their belts …

work at a lovely pub … we have this random competition where when we place our orders we use the modification option to write prose lol.

there is a space on the fridge for the best written modifications where they save these bills and display them with pride. prize winner this week:

Burger
add cheese
add mushrooms
mod:
for Kat
kinda chubby
girl downstairs
talks too much
needs a date
daddy issues
wants you to like her
messy

and so on …and Kat was the one who wrote it. A lovely lady with an awesome sense of humor.

The ninja cutters will definitely be a kick and punch with the kids.

What do you call a cross between an elephant and a rhinoceros?

An elephino! (pronounced: ‘ell-if-I-know)

Dear Santa- all i want for Christmas is ninjabread men cookie cutters

This is me in a nutshell: Help I’m stuck in a nutshell!

puppies? kitten? rainbowwww? SHOW ME YOUR TEETH!

i would set up those measuring cups like bowling pins and roll a brain-shaped ice cube at them.

I have been dying to get get a set of cookie cutters I really really like, and I think those ninjas might juuuust be perfect for my kitchen.
I’m not much of a jokester but the doodle is cute enough to make anyone smile ;) http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/hold.gif

I made it through finals with some cheerleading (and proofreading) from my classmates. So lucky to have a cohort like this.

“People from New York are called New Yorkers. Are people from Hamburg called Hamburgers?”

corny lol, but happy holidays everyone from nyc!

You can’t wrap love in a box, but you can wrap a person in a hug.

(>+_+)>

Zombie Kirby.

SMILE!!

That girl that commented that she was farting right now totally stole my idea.

my cats breath smells like cat food.

I teach 5th grade so I’ve been reading up on kids lit. The most fun book I’ve read so far is called “The Name of This Book is Secret”, and the whole conceit is that the narrator is trying not to tell the story because it’s too dangerous, but it’s so good he can’t help but tell everything! Very entertaining and fun.

We’d all have a party! I’d imagine all of these things would be perfect at some sort of mixer. You know you would need a lot of great statement pieces, and all of these are perfect! You know I would throw a party for all the NOTCOT’ers if I won.

(Then again, I’m a 19 year old kid living in a three bedroom apartment with 6 people… Maybe having a party wouldn’t be such a great idea… lol)

Those ninja cookie cutters are so cute.

CRAWLING AROUND IN BLANKET CAVES COMPLETE WITH PILLOW FORTS!

’( *(oo)* )`
m m

OINK OINK OINK

I am obsessed with these measuring cups. Ob.sessed.

If you smile the world smiles back!
DD

rIGHT sAID fRED!

“The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.”
Jack Handey

Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station!

(This is the only joke I know. For actually funny things, check out the West Wing…)

once i tought i was wrong…but i was mistaken

kittens! they make everyone smile! no? kittens in mittens!

I’m going to a cookie exchange this Saturday, and that’s bound to be fun!

Sad panda wants you to smile

Chuck Norris can skip 2 iPhone pages in one finger swipe. Fo’ realz.

Every time my (white) boyfriend and I go into an Asian restaurant, which we do quite frequently, he gets asked by the waiters if he needs a fork to replace the chopsticks at the table. Stop racial utensil discrimination!

Do you know how many situations MacGyver could escape with all of this?!?!?

I’ve wanted a set of those matroska measuring cups since I first saw them.

Future Posters, I have been sent back in time to post a funny comment to make you all smile and ran into my other comment on the internet. I am now stuck in a time-space conundrum

Everyone was kung fu fighting!
Those cats were fast as lightning!

two days ago i went to visit my friend to his apartment, i just went in without knoking and went directly to his room. in there was a whole family looking at me weird. after a minute that felt like an hour i realised that i pressed the wrong button on the elevator

I am farting right now.

I LOVE Fred!

Here’s my favorite video ever. It always makes me smile: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXXm696UbKY

“I used to be self-conscious because of my height, but then I thought, f*** that, I’m Harry Potter!”
-Daniel Radcliffe

TIME FOR TICKLES!

Help! I’m being held hostage in a broccoli forrest and I need ninjabread men to rescue me!

I love those matryoshka measuring cups!

“At what age do you tell a highway it was adopted? I think seven, because that’s about the time he starts to think, ‘I don’t look like Kiwanis club.’” - Zach Galifianakis

Happy Holidays Everyone. Hope your holidays are filled with deliciousness and Fred products ;)

Pull my finger…

i like big butts and i cannot lie, you other brothers [and sistas] can’t deny…
when a girl [or boy] walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung…

puppies and kittens and NOTCOT! OH JOY!

tickle slow loris!
(don’t know it? youtube!)

How did the shrimp lose his virginity? SENIOR PRAWN!

The best I can do is to post this cute picture of a bunny: http://pet-pet-blog.net/petpet/wp-content/photo_helicopterbunny.jpg Soooooo cute!

What fantastic swag!

i love notcot
i love fred
products :)

I wear a fake moustache over my real moustache :-

The moustache would be purr-fect for my cat….

Right, said FRED!!

Snowflakes!

It’s called “fast” food because you’re supposed to eat it really fast. Otherwide, you might actually taste it.

Love the ninja bread men!

Aww Shucks these are the cutest stocking stuffers ever!

I’m high, all right. But not on false drugs. I’m high on the REAL thing! Powerful gasoline, a clean windshield and a shoeshine!

This giveaway just inspired me to hug homeless people. Thats how happy i am about this.

My 4 year old nephew is really into tools theese days. He addores his grandfathers and their’s “biggest in the world” collections of tools. So trying to give a copliment to his mommy he said: “You are so pretty, like pliers!”

The handle bar is sooooo sexy !

“I’ve got a handle bar none,” said Fred.
But Flora fried an egg in anger.
Her M-cups grazed the perfect perch
and Beat It blared in the background.
Ninja breadmen brain-freezed, “This is your life
on ice.” Equal-measure teacupcakes
and cuchi cuchi.

My dog has no nose.

How does he smell?

Terrible.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

Giving service is like peeing your pants.
Everyone can see what you’ve done, but only you can feel the warmth!

My baby puke on my husbands face and he got some in his mouth. Gross I know but it was funny for me!would love to win this one!

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

Okay can’t take all the credit for that—it was Groucho Marx.

What did one snowman say to the other?

Do you smell carrots?

I see you driving
around town with the girl I love
and i’m like, haiku

Definitely some ninja sugar cookies!

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. He asks
the man his name. “Fred,” he replies.
>
>”Fred what?” the officer asks.
>
>”Just Fred,” the man responds. The officer is in a good mood, doesn’t smell
>alcohol, and thinks he might just give the fellow a break and write him out a
>warning instead of a ticket. So the officer then presses him for the last
>name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with
it.
>
>”Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?”
>
>The man replies, “It’s a long story, so stay with me.”
>
>”I was born Fred Dingaling. I know — a funny last name. The kids used to
>tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself, studied hard, and got good
>grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went
>through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my
>degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.
>
>”After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
>Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then
>I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.
>
>”Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and
>she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA
>found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred
>Dingaling, MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS
>because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with
>VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I’m just Fred.”

>The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

Polar bears are left-handed.

Preposterous! Those aren’t NinjaBread men. If they were, we’d never see them. That’s like rule #1.

I want this one bad

Hm… something fun? I’m playing a browser-based game called Echo Bazaar at the moment, it’s pretty fun~

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?

Roberto

Why don’t blind people skydive?
Because it scares the crap out of the dog!

Thanks for the giveaway!

I Need.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils

thanks fred, you make growing up fun.

I would love this prize to help make cooking with my daughters even more fun, and what’s more smile worthy than a father teaching his daughters to cook?

There once was a man from the Yukon
Who owned a magnificent toucan.
He taught it to fight:
Down, down-right, then right,
It let out a fearsome hadouken!

Leafy spoons may seem funny, but once or twice I actually detected little green sprouts rising from the sinkhole - from the graubs of wheat that sometimes fall into it. Raise your own garden in the kitchen!

PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!
PUPPIES! KITTENS! RAINBOWS! SMILES!

A fly was very close to being called a “land,” cause that’s what they do half the time. -Mitch Hedberg

I love Fred!

Brain freezes for the gastronomically conscious paramedic! Wow!

Ninja cookies, covered completely in the darkest chocolate. That’s awesome (but also hard to find at night)

My fake plants died, because I did not pretend to water them.
~ Mitch Hedberg

I don’t think I’ve ever been in my kitchen

Om nom nom!! ima panda!!

Two pretzels were walking down the street when one was assaulted!

I’m so sorry, I only know one joke and it’s this one.

Those ninja cookie cutters are bad-ass!

Here’s a cheesy food/kitchen related joke:

What does Jay-Z eat when he is on a budget?

Left-HOVAS!

*ahem* Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
I didn’t know you were some kind of nut!

want!! my girlfriend even has the measuring cups on her xmas list for our house!!

and for a smile: http://cuteoverload.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/img_0037-copy.jpg

my last name is Fu. that’s spelled f-u.

Infamously bad pick up line—-

Guy:
Excuse me, can you tell me what material my shirt is? Just feel it.
Girl:
Okay (feels shirt) …I don’t know…
Guy:
Wait, I know what it is…it’s boyfriend material…what up!!!

Ninja cookies seem iffy to me. You make think you took them out by eating them, but I wouldn’t at all be surprised if the cookie slit your throat on the way down your trachea or made you choke.

“Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like bananas.” —Groucho Marx

Does syrup have sugar? Then Yes!

The first pic of the mustache bottle opener is great!
it is saying to me after a couple open bottles, it no longer matters if the girl has a mustache!

So cool that I hope the make one that looks like a bicycle handlebar.

“Did you know?”
- Mameshiba, the dog-shaped bean
See here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ss6d3ogxfXc

Love me some random Chuck Norris.

Two nuns walked into a bar!
The third nun ducked.

↕ I’m with stupids

My boyfriend daydreamed about a ninjabread men video game. Those cookie cutters would make his life…:)

A chicken and an egg are sitting in bed together. The chicken lights a cigarette, turns to the egg and says, “Well I guess we answered THAT question.”

My favorite French spoonerism says “Salut Fred!”. It took me time to understand it but it makes me laugh each time I hear it now (especially when you know someone called Fred, you hear it often).

In the UK we have Christmas crackers; these come with a paper crown, a small gift and a (usually terrible) joke http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_cracker. This is my most awful Christmas cracker joke so far this year; Q, How many chimneys does Father Christmas go down? Stacks! (groan)

What do you call a Zebra with a popped collar?

A Ze-Bro!

hmm that is a weird question.

Well
Im on a blog
im on a blog
everybody look at me cause Im writing on a blog…

win?

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t

Ahh, I wish I came up with the idea of ninja cookie cutters! That’s so cool! :)

I really like the kind of lame jokes that one tells to kindergartners (and I really like Fred), so:

What do donkeys send out at the holidays?
Muletide greetings!

What do baby sweet potatoes wear to bed?
Yammies!

and of course…

Where did the king keep his armies?
In his sleevies!

how about be happy.
Its the holidays, life is beautiful and fun.
And with these even more.
SMILE!

It’s almost 2011 and neither the zombies or robots have taken over! Earth is #1!

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

“If you see a friend without a smile; give him one of yours.”

So cool.. I love FRED!!! Been wishing for ninjabread men for Christmas!!

A guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays.After looking at the menu he says, “I’ll just have the eggs benedict.” His order comes a while later and it’s served on a giant shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, “What’s with the hubcap?”

The waiter sings, “There’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.”

BA DUM BUM.=)

If you are what you eat, would this make me (ginger) ninja?

poop. fart.
thank you. i’ll be here all week.

I’ve been a good girl (with an occasional naughtiness)… please Santa no lumps of coal this year and have Ninjabread cookie cutters!
Hi -yahh!

Keep Calm and Wait For Fred.

a peanut is neither a pea nor a nut :)

The brain freeze ice tray would be the ultimate addition to my Zombie inspired holiday party! I know you wanna come or at least see the pictures all over my blog!

if you rearrange the letters in “Spiro Agnew”, you can spell “grow a penis”.

that might not be the most appropriate comment, but i was trying hard to think of a zinger to win this awesome prize and that was the best i could muster!!

my dog knows one joke: hey kimble, how was your walk outside in the cold today? “RRRUFF!”

The only thing better then a moustache ride is a handlebar moustache that opens beer & wine & doesn’t always want to play video games.

We can’t keep our dog inside the house and when our door is open for quite a while she’ll let herself in and plant herself flat on the floor and we literally have to push her out because she would not budge. So adorable.

Oh, the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since we’ve no place to go,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

It doesn’t show signs of stopping,
And I brought some corn for popping;
The lights are turned way down low,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

When we finally say good night,
How I’ll hate going out in the storm;
But if you really hold me tight,
All the way home I’ll be warm.

The fire is slowly dying,
And, my dear, we’re still good-bye-ing,
But as long as you love me so.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Why is an elephant big, gray and wrinkled?

Because if it were small, white and smooth, it’d be an aspirin.

That’s a nice set!

Free mustache rides… in honor of Movember.

birds on a wire - !

Penis!

LOOK AT YOUR COMMENT, NOW LOOK AT MINE, NOW BACK TO YOUR COMMENT.. AND NOW BACK TO MINE… SADLY, YOURS ISN’T MINE.. BUT IF YOU STOP POSTING RANDOM CLICHE THINGS AND MADE THIS YOUR OWN, YOURS COULD BE LIKE MINE.. LOOK DOWN, BACK UP. WHERE ARE YOU? YOU’RE ON NOTCOT, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW YOUR COMMENT COULD BEAT THIS ONE!! I’M ON A BREAK…

Cookie ninjas eat
cupcakes and keep the world safe
for ice brains and birds

‘A new study by researchers at Carnegie Mellon University, published in Science, shows that when you imagine eating a certain food, it reduces your actual consumption of that food.’ Imagine all the holiday treats that won’t get you fat this year!

Helvetica walks into a bar and orders a drink.
Bartender says
“Sorry, we don’t serve your type here.”

*ba dum bum*

Oh, the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since we’ve no place to go,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

It doesn’t show signs of stopping,
And I brought some corn for popping;
The lights are turned way down low,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

When we finally say good night,
How I’ll hate going out in the storm;
But if you really hold me tight,
All the way home I’ll be warm.

The fire is slowly dying,
And, my dear, we’re still good-bye-ing,
But as long as you love me so.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Something to make people smile? Okay!
My niece is four and was drawing symbols on a piece of paper with a crayon. My sister was watching her draw and asked her what she was doing.
“I’m writing in Spanish.”
So what does it mean? To which my niece responded:
“I don’t know! I don’t know Spanish!”

Growing up is overrated! Being an adult kid is the best! :D

I love Fred & Friends. Last summer I had dental interns and ordered them the denture ice cube trays for a parting gift. Too funny!

My co-worker needed to use the bathroom so bad that she intentionally wrapped up a phone meeting to go relieve herself, only to find it occupied by another co-worker… she was so equal parts pissed and needing to pee (get that play on words?) that she just ran down the block to the closest Starbucks to use their restroom. I guess you had to be there, but I thought it was pretty funny.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have a chin
There is just another fist behind the beard.

ps- I have been dying to get those ninjabread men cookie cutters!

There was a young man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two.

There was a young man from Verdun.

I’ve just bought myself some new aftershave. Smells strangely like breadcrumbs but apparently the birds love it…

If I won the ninja bread men I would pose them in a Ninja kunfu showdown staged outside of a gingerbread house with little snowmen as captives. It’s sadistic but humorous.

A little girl asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. The little girl said, “If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six”

Have a great day everyone & good luck to all of you(and me of curse)

Huzzah!

I’m not Wilma but I LOVE Fred. Happy Holidays NOTCOT! :)

How fun

Yes! Just moved and need to add some steez to my bare kitchen.

No matter how bad things get, remember! You’re not Glenn Beck!

I just moved into my first apartment. This would be a great sprucer-upper!

What a great bundle, I love Fred!

I have been dying to make ninjabread men ever since I first saw those cookie cutters! So funny and cute!

Combining ninjas with anything is pretty much always a great idea. Like the time my sister threw a disco-ninjas party… For example: she dressed in a 70’s wrap dress, wore an afro wig, made a necklace with a gold ninja star on a gold chain, and wore a gold ninja mask. It was pretty funny to see what everyone came up with. Next up: vampirate party! (I don’t know if this is really that entertaining to others… but at least we amuse ourselves?)

I’ve been told that I’m funny looking, so now I guess I would be able to keep my guests even more entertained with both my looks and my house appliances:)

A duck walks into a bar a asks the bartender for some grapes. The bartender says, “We don’t serve ducks, get out of here!” The next day the duck returns and again asks the bartender for some grapes. The bartender warns the duck that if he comes back the next day, he’ll nail his bill to the bar. The duck nods and leaves. The very next day, the duck returns. “Hey there. Got any nails?” He says. The bartender looks puzzled and says no. The duck replies, “Good! Got any grapes?”

A favorite joke from when I was younger! hope it makes the rest of you smile!

Who doesn’t appreciate a good limerick!

There once was a lady named Fred
her hair was curly and red
she met a boy named Sue
didn’t know what to do
so each dressed as the other instead

—-

There once was a dinosaur named Fred
Who liked to eat nothing but bread.
But it had not been invented
So he grew thin and dented
And soon he was lying there dead.

——

being sexy is NOT about exposing your body!
it’s all about exposing the inner power in you.
have a rawkin’ holiday, sexy beings! :)

Those ninja cookie cutters are so cool! Everything is cool but they are my favorite. I’d live to break some ninja cookies up in my mouth.