*notcot in gratis , 01:04

NOTCOT Giveaway 4: Fred & Friends- 11.20.08

fredgive1.jpg TO WIN: Leave a comment ~ this time lets mix it up, and in honor of Fred we’ll pick one of the comments that is most amusing! ENTER BY 11/23. WINNER: Maria in Chicago, IL!

So it turns out Fred & Friends, over at World Wide Fred, really love you guys and the NOTEmpire… i was totally expecting them to send over 2-3 items for today’s giveaway, and this giant box of goodies appeared today! This box will single handedly transform your kitchen/locker/packages/etc… it’s ready to really spruce up your next party! So what have we got?

- Calf & Half (i LOVE this double walled creamer glass)
- Pick Your Nose Cups (drinking games perhaps?)
- Salt & Peeper (turn his head and eyes change colors and s or p comes out)
- Luckey (bottle opener!)
- Gin & Titonic (icey ships for your drinks!)
- Frozen Smiles (these teeth ice cubes freak me out!)
- Tinsel Tape (makes packages that much more festive!)
- Spoon Rest (adorable pillow made of silicon to hold your drippy spoon!)
- Finger Food (perfect for parties!)
- Hot Shot Hand Warmer (b/c its getting chilly out?)
- Stuck Up Magnet Set (Yes, gum shaped magnets… awesome for the fridge?)
- Classic Cassette Tote (nothing like a giant cassette to carry your laptop in!)

As you can see, the folks at Fred love to mix humor, puns, and quality design into every product, and their photography for all of the products is always hilarious as well! So in line with Fred’s design philosophies, to win this bundle of amusement, leave a comment to amuse us (and your fellow commenters)! Additionally, see more pictures on the next page, a coupon, and i was SUPER curious about the Calf & Half, so snuck a peek and got some closer look…





I was surprised to see that there is no base! You can reach in and feel the udders….


Nearly all Fred products are at Perpetual Kid! So for your shopping, don’t forget this one from the NOTCOT Holiday Coupon Book!


Tags: - -

429 Notes

I play on walking around the office with one of those “Pick Your Nose” cups taped to my face. For weeks.

----- Sky B 23.11.08 21:33

forget diamonds, some of those cocktail crabcakes on my ring finger is what’ll really hook me…yum

----- Kim 23.11.08 21:11

My first reaction to the “Calf & Half”?
Sounds like my dating life!

----- Gia 23.11.08 20:35

Dearest Fred & Friends,
From your very first pieces, you had my heart! Oh how I adore your witty industrial designed goods bringing hope for chachkies and such. As an Industrial Designer I truly appreciate your products and wish I could own the entire line. When I saw this massive gift package I didn’t know what to say or do! Oh Fred, how you brighten my day and inspire my design. Please pick me and these fun little do-dads so they will be enjoyed to their fullest potential. You’ll never know how much I truly appreciate you guys!


----- Matthew Kolb 23.11.08 20:35

this right here is a survival kit for Christmas Eve at my house. the tinsel tape not only helps wrap the gifts….but after my aunt enjoys a few too many beers….it helps keep her upright in the chair….as we all stuff ourselves with finger foods…none of which go together….shrimp… a veggie tray…meatballs….and someone is always knocking over the little bowl of toothpicks…but lets not forget the nacho cheese queso dip that gets heated up over and over again…and mess after mess is made trying to scoop the cheese onto your tiny plate….hoping it doesn’t touch the shrimp…and then you wonder….how well the shrimp will go with the queso once it reaches your stomach…but no matter…its the holidays….let the finger food coma begin!!! And as we all sit down to open gifts…we sneak the whoopie cushion under grandpa’s chair…and as we all anticipate the hilarity that is about to happen….he finally sits…and nothing happens…no sound at all….what’s funnier than a whoopie cushion? A faulty whoopie cushion…..these items would definitely find a good home at Christmas at my house :) -whitney

----- whitney h. 23.11.08 19:44

I’d just like to know who did the shopping for this giveaway. What kind of freak fetishes are you trying to feed here?

----- Elizabeth M. 23.11.08 19:09

Love the gun handwarmers!

----- Angela 23.11.08 16:42

Calf & Half is utter-ly fantastic! Brings a whole new meaning to adding fresh moo-moo organic milk to my tea!

----- MonkeeBoo 23.11.08 13:44

Yeah! Finally a way to pick your nose publicly without being ridiculed and pelted with tiny Gerkin pickles!!! W00t!!

----- Jenna 23.11.08 13:09

Pick Your Nose Cups (drinking games perhaps?) seriously no game here. need some cups. my nose is huge…

----- Roland Bango-Fi 23.11.08 12:50

ooh, the delicious and humorous themes in this pack would be perfect for some themed post-holiday socializing- maybe a Pun Party?

----- katie 23.11.08 11:15

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

----- Nicholas Sipes 23.11.08 10:52

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘Eureka!’ (I found it!) but ‘That’s funny …’

Salad is what food eats.

----- Haha 23.11.08 10:43

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve immortality by not dying.

----- Joker 23.11.08 10:39

To whom it may concern,

I would like to announce the recent scientific discovery that beans beans, they’re good for your heart; the more you eat, the more you fart.


----- Scientist 23.11.08 10:34

Over the last couple of years, my mother has become an avid fan of NotCot, and when she saw this she gave me a juicy ultimatum- I must win this bundle or move out. So its either victory or prostitution. At the moment, I’d like to keep all my organs in order, so here goes!

Thanksgiving theme-
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”


(BTW how do you get pikachus on a bus? You Poke-em-on!)

----- Julia 23.11.08 07:42

While we’re on the subject of Fred, what do the design heads at notcot think of Fred Flintstone’s get up? The allover print tattered t-shirt with no pants topped off with that sweet tie is a thing to be admired. Obviously it worked since he was able to pull Wilma, who’s completely out of his class. Seriously, have you seen her ass to waist ratio?

----- hobowithashotgun 23.11.08 07:31


   /moʊst/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [mohst] Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective, superl. of much or many with more as compar.
1. in the greatest quantity, amount, measure, degree, or number: to win the most votes.
2. in the majority of instances: Most operations are successful.
3. greatest, as in size or extent: the most talent.
4. the greatest quantity, amount, or degree; the utmost: The most I can hope for is a passing grade.
5. the greatest number or the majority of a class specified: Most of his writing is rubbish.
6. the greatest number: The most this room will seat is 150.
7. the majority of persons: to be more sensitive than most.
8. the most, Slang. the ultimate in something: He’s the most. That movie was the most.
–adverb, superl. of much with more as compar.
9. in or to the greatest extent or degree (in this sense often used before adjectives and adverbs, and regularly before those of more than two syllables, to form superlative phrases having the same force and effect as the superlative degree formed by the termination -est): most rapid; most wisely.
10. very: a most puzzling case.
11. Informal. almost or nearly.
12. at the most, at the maximum. Also, at most.
13. for the most part. part (def. 34).
14. make the most of, to use to greatest advantage; utilize fully: to make the most of an opportunity.


   /əˈmyuzɪŋ/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [uh-myoo-zing]
1. pleasantly entertaining or diverting: an amusing speaker.
2. causing laughter or mirth; humorously entertaining: an amusing joke.
1590–1600; amuse + -ing 2

----- caro 23.11.08 07:28

For once my udders won’t be the main attraction coming Christmas!

----- ava divine 23.11.08 07:26

I really want to have a film set set up around my gin and titanic with celine dion playing in the background.

----- Steven Kaplan 23.11.08 05:06

UDDER ly delightful!

----- Anam 23.11.08 03:11

Always asking us to be clever, always wanting the funny. A Rhyme, a rap, a clever prose riddled with puns and perfectly punctuated palliteration (I bet you pronounced the silent p in that last word, didn’t you? Amateurs!)? I clearly am the most deserving, most cleverly smartest, most alarmingly disarmingly beautiful, most funniest person to grace this wall since the start of this giveaway!

How you could pick anyone else would be beyond common sense, and even uncommon sense, really. You people with your TINY brains and misplaced funny bones make me laugh. Ha. HA. HAHAHA. You say, “oh, these are so cute! OMG LOL”. These things are only for CLEVER people, to do CLEVER things with! What would you know about doing clever things?! I can just see you with this basket before you; you would be paralyzed by your lack of clever ideas.

You would think, “Oh, I’ll fill up these Gin and Titonic cubes,” or “these paper cups would be great for drinking out of.” And that would be that. I, on the other hand, would have so many clever and hilarious ideas that I would probably have to go out and buy more of this stuff just to do everything I was thinking! I cannot go on any further; I am shaking at the thought of this going to some undeserving CRETIN. Oh…ooooohhh, nooo. (shiver)

----- Bree Graczyk 23.11.08 00:54

“three men walk into a bar. the four one ducks. ;)

----- aaron kirchner 23.11.08 00:46

so clever and fun!

----- Colleen Redmond 22.11.08 22:50

Goodness… So many amusing comments thus far.

I’ll make it short.

Me + Fred & Friends + College = INSTANT ADVERTISING ;)

----- Ivy Reynaga Lopez 22.11.08 22:28

you ever drink Bailey’s out of a shoe?

----- D-Mill 22.11.08 22:03

Omg I waaaannntttt. Hwah. Oh, did you know when a mosquito bites you it is really vomiting in your skin. Gross huh?

----- Amanda Z. 22.11.08 20:24

those cups are too funny

gimme gimme all u got..gimme..gimme all u got!

----- reeva 22.11.08 20:06


----- Tyler 22.11.08 19:40

the pick your nose cups are pure fun. :))

----- aaron 22.11.08 18:31

if you look at how you use each of these things, it’s preferable to use your fingers. not really for arms.

----- Kyle Knapp 22.11.08 17:14

I pondered over how to impress such a discerning audience as this, i am not particularly funny so i thought perhaps the best thing to do was to share an intimate secret. to that end (no laughter till the end please) i have always harboured the secret desire to record a hip-hop album, and while street cred and bravado allude me, i already have a name picked out: “A Brief History of Rhyme” (Steve Hawking in the House yo, Holler!)

----- Simon 22.11.08 16:51

a whole prize package of fred stuff, heck yeah!

side note: what is up with those giant pick me comments above? the first one looked good, but the other ones, not so hot…

----- Josh 22.11.08 15:10

If you pick me, I’ll carry you like a baby.

----- Alex 22.11.08 14:47

moinsen from germany…

playing super nintendo is super, just like the name says… but this stuffs much more super.
chilling at home, at a saturday night playing marios island is fun, but this stuff would make probably everything totaly awsome. so, don’t think about your decison and just give me that stuff.. i need it. inned friends, and i probably will get them, when i have this package.

cheers, ben

----- Ben 22.11.08 14:04

oh how I wish I was a comedian.

I want it all! Especially the ladle cradle :D

----- Catherine Chandler 22.11.08 14:04

awesome. love it

----- keri 22.11.08 13:54

This all looks AWESOME!

----- Ronny Nause 22.11.08 12:40

i dont want to leave a really annoying message, so I’ll keep it simple. you know it was my 18th birthday on the 12th. :)

----- Jessica Morris 22.11.08 10:52

I want to be part of it. NOTCOT makes me buy toys.

----- buck ramzem 22.11.08 08:51

half is for you, half & half is for MEEEEEEEEEEE~ *weeeeeeeee~
I want to just throw myself in the pile of goodness and make product angels!!! *jumps*jumps*jumps* o lets!

----- Kim 22.11.08 08:47

i love this blog!

----- LA 22.11.08 08:15

love it

----- Anna Hinojosa 22.11.08 06:58

Pick me and I’ll let you pick my nose all you want.

----- matt wilder 22.11.08 06:44

To illustrate how much I want it I will sing an excerpt from High School Musical 3, I Want It All:
Don’t you see that bigger is better
And better is bigger
A little bit is never enough
No, No, No!

Don’t you want it all!
You want it, you know that you want it
The fame and the fortune and more
You want it all, you want it, you know that you want it
You gotta have your star on the door
You want the world nothing less, all the glam and the press
Only givng you the best reviews
Sing it!
I want it all
I want it, I want it, Yeah
My name in lights at Carnage Hall
I want it all!

----- Andy Bo Bandy 22.11.08 05:51


Let’s be honest here, it’s all about the calf-n-half. The rest of the stuff is just along for the ride. But I’ll take it…all of it. Love Fred.

----- Lex 22.11.08 04:21

HI! This isn’t a comment, but I really like those Fred & Friends product! So incredible creative. After all this is a comment! Keep up the good work! Jixop

----- Jixop 22.11.08 02:45

these items, would make me feel responsible and organized, and fun at the same time.
that would be jolly :D

i wanna feel those udders


----- Jhoanna 22.11.08 01:10

I love Fred.

----- Ingrid 21.11.08 22:12

Who wouldn’t love to get this stuff as a gift?

----- Tommy 21.11.08 22:11

what did the zero say to the eight?
nice belt…..

----- Kristen 21.11.08 21:32

here you go……….a comment

----- Linda Wilson 21.11.08 20:26

i want!… please

----- insolv1niac86 21.11.08 20:07

I NEED that double walled creamer glass cuz so much Cash Rules Everything Around Me C.R.E.A.M.

----- Giuce 21.11.08 19:05

i miss cassette tapes
i would love this bag to remember them by

----- Shital Patel 21.11.08 19:00

better hand that bounty, cause I’m Packin’ Heat!

----- Iain 21.11.08 18:56

NOTthem…pick me!!

----- dkc 21.11.08 17:33

here’s something amusing…

why do ducks have webbed feet?
to stamp out fires.
why do elephants have flat feet?
to stamp out burning ducks.


----- brittany. 21.11.08 16:52

so, does commenting twice or more works??? :P

----- Dian 21.11.08 16:38

here. i have made a haiku just for this very occasion. enjoy.

NOTCOT is majes-
tic. Their giveaways are cool.
I hope I win. Moose.

----- Leslie 21.11.08 16:23

In honor of the Pick your nose cup:
“You can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you CAN’T pick your friend’s nose can you?”

----- tracy 21.11.08 16:10

poor college girl who loves to have fun!! i would love a giveaway like this. also an avid reader of notcot!! reciprocate the love?

----- Mariam 21.11.08 15:50

laugh a lot to live a lot. smile soon or experience gloom!

----- freecia 21.11.08 15:49

Goodness. There are an awful lot of funny and creative people commenting on this one. I think I’m too lazy to stand a chance. Here’s to hoping the judges are feeling too lazy to read through all of these and so choose the winner at random. Save time. Choose at random. Let me be the lucky one.

----- patguy 21.11.08 15:37

I love Fred!

----- Kate 21.11.08 15:32

How about a special gif for you?

I wonder if I did that right?

----- Brandy Fine 21.11.08 14:37

That milk jug makes me happy in ways that I do not quite understand.

----- Graeme 21.11.08 14:21

i never know what to do when relatives and family friends tell me to hold their babies for a while. i don’t know how to hold them properly - what i do is place one hand under each armpit with baby at a safe distance, an arm’s length in front of me. a few seconds later the baby’s head is tilting backwards and he’s gargling. looks like he’s having a good time already. in comes the frantic parent, swooping in to save the child: “you’re supposed to support his head! he doesn’t have control of his neck yet!”

it’s awful nice to have a neck that knows what to do with the thing above it.

----- joanne 21.11.08 14:20

Two atoms are walking down the street.

The first atom stops and says “Oh crap, I think I just dropped an electron…”

The second atom goes, “Damn, dude, are you sure?”

The first atom replies, “I’m positive!”

----- Wendy Smith 21.11.08 14:07

What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?


----- Brandy Fine 21.11.08 14:03

Because I’ll finally make some friends here in LA. :*( haha.

----- Dennis Munoz 21.11.08 14:00

I wants the calf&half.

----- Minna 21.11.08 13:58

RE: Gin and Titonic

I bet Joseph Hazelwood had one of those!!

----- Geoff 21.11.08 13:45

Why so cereal?

----- Christine 21.11.08 13:43

Wow that is one pile of things I would like to be on top of.

----- Evan Doyle 21.11.08 13:41

I’m the lyrical gangster, murdeeeerrer, Excuse me mister officer, muuuurderrrrer, Still love you like thatttttttt.

classic tune…classic design

ahh how we live in a perpetual circle of events…connections everywhere

----- Scott Ortner 21.11.08 12:55

even a broken clock is right twice a day

----- shannon 21.11.08 12:51


----- Winnie 21.11.08 12:33

yeah i know I’m not gonna win but here i am setting myself up. The last time i won something it was at the comic con… it was a copy of season 3-2 of farscape. you can imagine my excitement. 3-2 for gods sake not even the whole season or the first part of the season and I’ve never seen farscape… c’mon!

----- Devin 21.11.08 12:30

NOTCOT is the best you can see
Their posts all entertain me
From bacon to bourbon
To great ways to serve ‘em
Plus they give away goodies for free.

----- Michelle Pualuan 21.11.08 12:22

dude, comments have gotten crazy. hard to chose so go the easy way: ME!

----- paulie 21.11.08 12:07

Ladies is pimps too - Brush ya’ll shouldas off

----- Heather 21.11.08 12:01

Oh! I am udderly sorry for my comment complaining, it is me and my computers fault… I had my setting warped and it changed how it displayed comments making me confused. Ignore my other comments!

----- Arezu 21.11.08 11:58

AREZU - Names show UNDER comments

----- Jean/NOTCOT 21.11.08 11:55

Just an fyi, it posted my comment under the wrong name again! Don’t know if it is doing this for everyone else too - Arezu

----- Arezu 21.11.08 11:49

Oh my god, these all look amazing! I’d be so lucky to have these :)

----- Kevin 21.11.08 11:41

I can already imagine which one of my friends would appreciate each thing. Oh man… Gotta love Fred’s stuff… : )

----- grace 21.11.08 11:38

I’m SO into stuff!

----- Parker LeGrand Jacobs 21.11.08 11:29

Wow there are so many gifts that i´m already lacking creativity for this posts.
I guess I can tell a good joke in the next tough.
And a bad one after that…

----- Daniel Segatto 21.11.08 11:15

Ok I need to win this package because:

a) it will make me look sooo très modern at my mum’s xmas party
b) I just don’t have anything to put my laptop in! seriously.
c) gum shaped magneeeeeeeets!

so pls pls pls pick moi!

----- elisa Gonzalez 21.11.08 11:11

i’m waiting for the cups that’ll give me a longer neck.

----- michael 21.11.08 11:01

…and then his butt fell off.

----- Beth 21.11.08 11:01

holy ravioli that’s alot o’stuff

----- Aaron 21.11.08 10:48

Love the gin and titanic, lets sink a few after work

----- Paul 21.11.08 10:44

am i too late? ahhh!

----- James Hsu 21.11.08 10:30

Fred & Friends >>

ride free red Fred friends
deed did send sir Ed
dire fee is fired, I fine!

----- Dani 21.11.08 10:28

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick!

----- Ian 21.11.08 10:18

Why did it assign my comment wrong?? I didn’t write what it says I did under my name above. I wrote what is under Lilit Pilikian’s!!!!

----- Arezu 21.11.08 10:00

Fire Photon Boll Weevils!

----- Tae 21.11.08 09:44

Yesterday I learned how to build a hot air balloon.

----- Maggie 21.11.08 09:27

WOW - the ultimate Christmas gift for my mother-in-law!

----- Corey 21.11.08 09:14

So I really wish you’d pick me, but I wouldn’t hold it against you if you didn’t. I love Notcot and not getting a prize isn’t going to stop me from reading you daily…

----- Cassandra 21.11.08 08:58

Can I temporarily resign my NOTCOT affiliation so I can be eligible to win this prize? :D Seriously love Fred & Friends toys.

----- Anita / Liqurious 21.11.08 08:57

A joke that may or not be funny, because I generally like really corny jokes:

Q: How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Does it have to be a light bulb?

I really need to egg nog out of pick your nose cups on Christmas.

----- caitlin 21.11.08 08:54

oh wow. all that cool stuff. stuuuuffff!

----- olive flower 21.11.08 08:53

simply amazing, what great gifts!

----- Joey Kessler 21.11.08 08:43

Love the cups.

*crosses fingers

----- Ryan Fors 21.11.08 08:41

You may get the gist after the first one, but here are a few of my favorite jokes:

Q: What’s brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

Q: What’s white and salty?
A: Salt.

Q: What’s pink and stinky?
A: A fetal pig.

I love you all. Keep up the good work.

----- Johnny 21.11.08 08:37

There is nothing that I could use more than a little “Finger Food” plate to put on my finger for social gatherings, after guzzling a few (alcoholic) drinks from “pick your nose” cups, I’d need a little extra support to keep my food plate from falling!!!

----- Suzie 21.11.08 08:31

i love youoooooooo

----- zach 21.11.08 08:01

you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but your can’t pick your friends’ nose…until now…

i want to pick a nose! yes please!

----- arodger 21.11.08 07:55

fat lootz

----- beth seguin 21.11.08 07:49

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of pun-ness! (Love these items!)

----- Stacy B. 21.11.08 07:44

Fred, it’s not an amusement park. Grow up and give this stuff to me for recycling. RIGHT NOW

----- estetas 21.11.08 07:42

You know, there are people in your life who are just impossible to shop for during the holidays… Until some mad genius comes along and puts together the perfect package for all of them!

I’m sure crazy Uncle Randy won’t sneeze at an opportunity to show off his many colorful characters as he picks his nose ad nauseum. We’ll suffer the indignity if only to save face. And speaking of personalities, both of Aunt Gladys’ will cluck over a salt and pepper shaker with such doppleganger-like duality. Her dark and sunny sides can never seem to agree, but with such a ducky device, perhaps she won’t be so foul to be around.

And are those hand warmers not hitting the bullseye for Grandpa? God love him for his heated moments - and he always has a holster full of them - and what better way to fire them off than with a couple of heaters that give him the warmth and six-gun satisfaction of the authority he once packed with him everywhere but is now way to dangerous for him to wield for real. But we can’t forget Grandma either! While she’s sheriffing her pistol packing Papaw, she herself can cry Cowabunga! with her udderly perfect cup of coffee, made so by the moovingly beautiful and functional bovine-themed creamer glass. So now when Gramps starts giving her beef, she can steer his moood in a less bullish direction. She’ll joyfully milk that situation!

The ice cube trays could go to my chillier relations, and of course, the magnets would be useful in chewing out of sticky situations with friends. What I’m trying to say is that the whole package would be an awesome gift all wrapped up in shiny, shiny tinsel tape. Merry Christmas, indeed!

----- Chris Spurgin 21.11.08 07:35

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other SLIDE!

Seriously, I need this. coolest. stuff. ever.

----- JB 21.11.08 07:27

My fav has been “ourtimes”, so far.
In fact, I couldn’t think of something as amusing, so I decided to vote.

----- girly 21.11.08 07:23

I love that Fred takes the normally mundane and makes it so much more fun and smart.

----- Jessica 21.11.08 07:13

For a


----- Ashley B. 21.11.08 07:12

Talking monkey, yeah, yeah. Came here from the future, ugly sucker, only says “ficus”.

----- JRameau 21.11.08 07:05

Oh Fred. You’ve won my heart. Just call me Ethel Mertz from now on.

----- Michael 21.11.08 07:01

That stuff is awesome!! That’s just the kind of stuff that would make entertaining that much more fun.

----- Andrew 21.11.08 06:59

I am a miserable man to be around. So I stay indoors a lot.

----- Vince 21.11.08 06:53



----- LUKE 21.11.08 06:48

YAY! I love Fred.

----- Sarah Haden 21.11.08 06:38

too much pressure…just pick me. please?

----- Angel 21.11.08 06:37

My dad always told me that I could pick my friends, and I could pick my nose, but I can’t pick my friends nose… :(

----- Aaron 21.11.08 06:26

I want the giant cassette tape.
I might be the only one with a player large enough to play it.

----- Mike 21.11.08 06:21

What’s cheaper, deer nuts, or beer nuts?


Deer nuts, because they’re below a buck! OOOH!

Okay so maybe I only know lame jokes, but I’ll throw them all out there if it means I can have my own personal pair of cream filled udders… that didn’t sound right…

Need another bad joke? I have a million!

What did the fish say when it hit the wall?



Tee hee, that one I much enjoy.

Pick me? Please? I would love you forever… not that I don’t already but… sorry, I’m pathetic…

PS. My last name is pronounced “Wiggle”… that provides amusement for many many many people… I know, I lived through it.

----- Bailey Wiegel 21.11.08 06:09

so shines a light in a dark world ;) This stuff could cheer anyone’s crisis blues up!

----- Sara 21.11.08 06:07

She had always wanted to be clever, of course, so she always sought out the cleverest people at parties. They were easy to find, laughing in small groups, flirting with other clever people, showing off their latest clever finds. She lingered near them, nodding at their witty remarks, admiring their avant-garde accessories and decor, hoping they’d accept her as one of their own.

Oh, she had picked up a few tricks along the way to help. When one can’t be clever, she realized, one had to at least avoid being awkward. So she always wore black and learned to cultivate an air of sophisticated silence to avoid conversations that might reveal how truly unclever she really was. She had even mastered the fine arts of nodding knowingly, namedropping designers from Notcot, and laughing appropriately, even if she didn’t get the joke.

But no matter how hard she tried, there was just one obstacle to cultivating the clever friends she so adored: she could never, ever invite them to her home. That’s how the clever people always discovered she was not one of them. Her ice cubes and magnets weren’t amusing shapes, and she didn’t have a single cunning cup or salt & pepper shaker to amuse a guest. Oh, most of them tried to be polite, to stay long enough for a cup of tea before beating a hasty exit, but she knew they wouldn’t return.

Afterward, she always sighed deeply to herself, wondering how these clever people found all their clever things. She silently wished for a fairy godfather to bring her a few fun accessories, like a whimsical laptop tote to take to the cafe, or a droll cream pitcher for when she served up organic coffee and amusing stories.

Searching clever things on the computer one morning, she shared her tale with the world before leaving for work. If only her pleas were heard, if only someone would take pity, perhaps she’d finally be the one to have an amusing hand-warmer and fun holiday tape on her packages.

She left for the day with a spark of hope and a spring in her step. Maybe, just maybe, her wish would come true. Maybe her fairy godfather was Fred.

----- Anissa 21.11.08 06:05

Those udders are awesome! I would love to win this collection.
Very nice

----- Mike Porter 21.11.08 05:54

Everything Fred does is magical. And so distinctive. Whenever I find one of their products at a store, I can always guess it’s from Fred before i even see the name.

And I don’t know if this counts, but here’s what’s been amusing me recently: http://www.hulu.com/30-rock

----- Jeremy 21.11.08 05:45

eeney-meeny-miny-moooooo (“moo,” as in what a cow says) hah, get it?
pick me!!

----- tiffany 21.11.08 05:39

Looks like a ton of fun!

----- Tony 21.11.08 05:33

GODD…I hate free stuff…But since surfing notcot is my favorite workplace pastime..i will make an exception and graciosuly accept this gift. Thanks but no thanks.:-)

----- Gaurav Fernandes 21.11.08 05:33

I want one. I recycle.


----- roba3000 21.11.08 05:22

Because this is the REAL holiday spirit

----- gal 21.11.08 04:45

Am I the only one that felt kind of dirty when I read that you could “reach in and feel the udders”?

----- Ellen 21.11.08 04:33

to win or NOT to win?
the important is NOT-COT


----- Fran 21.11.08 03:44


----- brad osterhaus 21.11.08 03:43

Help me with my Christmas shopping!

I need a set of udderly fantastic gifts, because I am Stuck on what to buy for my family this year. My Luckey husband, my dad with his Salt and Pepper hair, my mum and my sisters. My Hands are Warm, deep in my pockets looking for my wallet ready to find that perfect gift. Perhaps if I gave my mum a Gin and Titonic set her Smile wouldn’t Freeze in horror this christmas and maybe if I got my Dad the Spoon Rest, Finger Food wouldn’t be thrown in my direction! If I wrap my sisters gifts in tinsel tape maybe they won’t realise the horror beneath. As for my husband, well you can’t beat the Classic mix Cassette!

Who nose what they will like - help me out this year please!

----- Delyse 21.11.08 03:37

If you read this comment you have seven days to send me this stuff… right?

It is not a letterbomb :)

----- Alessandro 21.11.08 03:35

How do you make a milkshake?

Tickle a cow.

----- paul mcmahon 21.11.08 03:02

I have a complaint:
I love notcot. I’m on here so frequently looking for new pages/updates that my workplace has added it to there banned sites list!! Most of the stuff is unavailable to me anyway, living in England and all. When things are available they tend to be over-expensive due to shipping charges etc. I will continue to be a loyal fan but unfortunately my fanship will have to take place outside working hours now. I may even lose my job!! Well, enough complaining; if only there was a way that you could re-pay my loyalty and make it up to me…

----- Joseph 21.11.08 02:42

Am I too late? I rushed right over when I heard there was free stuff. Can I get a doggy bag emailed to me at least?

----- Eric Flavin 21.11.08 01:58

That’s what she said.

----- Your Mom 21.11.08 01:54

hollllla, yea, a little pop-culture extension into the fridge..

----- Michael 21.11.08 01:49

How on earth do you choose? Do you read all the comments or on a busy day just do eeny-meeny-miny-mo?

----- Luke 21.11.08 01:22

soooooo many comments. free stuff is loved by all. i Hope i win, but i have doubts. i hate doubts, i think…

----- phil 21.11.08 00:57

What udderly wonderful goodies! I am so happy I peeped over here, I nose I deserve it so I hope I am luckey and win! I would definitely be won over to being one of Fred’s friends too :)

----- Arezu 21.11.08 00:53

On the first day of Thanksgiving Fred & Friends gave to NOTCOT t a Salt and Peeper shaker.
On the second day of Thanksgiving Fred & Friends gave to NOTCOT two Calf & Halfs and a Salt and Peeper shaker.
On the third day of Thanksgiving Fred & Friends gave to NOTCOT three Pick Your Nose Cups, two Calf & Halfs and a Salt and Peeper shaker.
On the fourth day of Thanksgiving Fred & Friends gave to NOTCOT four Luckeys. three Pick Your Nose Cups, two Calf & Halfs and a Salt and Peeper shaker.
On the fifth day of Thanksgiving Fred & Friends gave to NOTCOT five Gin & Tonics, four Luckeys. three Pick Your Nose Cups, two Calf & Halfs and a Salt and Peeper shaker.
On the sixth day of Thanksgiving Fred & Friends gave to NOTCOT six Frozen Smiles, five Gin & Tonics, four Luckeys. three Pick Your Nose Cups, two Calf & Halfs and a Salt and Peeper shaker.
On the seventh day of Thanksgiving Fred & Friends gave to NOTCOT seven Tinsel Tapes, six Frozen Smiles, five Gin & Tonics, four Luckeys. three Pick Your Nose Cups, two Calf & Halfs and a Salt and Peeper shaker.
On the eighth day of Thanksgiving Fred & Friends gave to NOTCOT eight spoon rests, seven Tinsel Tapes, six Frozen Smiles, five Gin & Tonics, four Luckeys. three Pick Your Nose Cups, two Calf & Halfs and a Salt and Peeper shaker.
On the ninth day of Thanksgiving Fred & Friends gave to NOTCOT nine Finger foods, eight spoon rests, seven Tinsel Tapes, six Frozen Smiles, five Gin & Tonics, four Luckeys. three Pick Your Nose Cups, two Calf & Halfs and a Salt and Peeper shaker.
On the tenth day of Thanksgiving Fred & Friends gave to NOTCOT ten Hot Shot Hand Warmers, nine Finger foods, eight spoon rests, seven Tinsel Tapes, six Frozen Smiles, five Gin & Tonics, four Luckeys. three Pick Your Nose Cups, two Calf & Halfs and a Salt and Peeper shaker.
On the eleventh day of Thanksgiving Fred & Friends gave to NOTCOT eleven Stuck Up Magnet Sets, ten Hot Shot Hand Warmers, nine Finger foods, eight spoon rests, seven Tinsel Tapes, six Frozen Smiles, five Gin & Tonics, four Luckeys. three Pick Your Nose Cups, two Calf & Halfs and a Salt and Peeper shaker.

On the twelfth day of Thanksgiving Fred & Friends gave to ME!
twelve Classics Cassette Totes, eleven Stuck Up Magnet Sets, ten Hot Shot Hand Warmers, nine Finger foods, eight spoon rests, seven Tinsel Tapes, six Frozen Smiles, five Gin & Tonics, four Luckeys. three Pick Your Nose Cups, two Calf & Halfs
OR JUST! A Salt and Peeper shaker.

----- Lilit Pilikian 21.11.08 00:47

Just a funny story. Use to work in a foreign film lab which was great cause I got to watch foreign films all the time and the beautiful “foreign” women would come in often to check them out and watch them for school (also a perk). So the TV I had access behind the counter was the master, which also showed on all the other TV’s on a certain channel. Well I was watching a beautiful Spanish picture (I believe it may have been a Pedro Almodovar film)and it was his typical intense romance psychological thriller stuff. I was answering emails on my laptop and wasn’t immediately watching the movie when a patron came in, so I paused the movie like I always have. She was this gorgeous TA from Columbia that just blew me away and we always had nice talks about films. This day she wasn’t her normal self at the desk. She seemed really anxious and her facial expressions told me I either had something on my shirt or face or teeth or something worse. I got this terrible feeling in my stomach. She said “uhhhhh,,,” I turn and the film is paused RIGHT WHEN THE MAN IS PLEASURING HER NETHER REGIONS!!! To add insult to injury I look around the lab and three or four other people have the same scene paused on their screens and they were all turning to look at me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wanted to die. Never lived that down and everyone in that lab at the time (all girls and 1 guy) forever thought I was some perv. Could have used that gun Fred could have used that gun…

----- Justin 21.11.08 00:30

too bad i’m a turtle, so i have no use for any of this.

----- May 21.11.08 00:15

can i keep it?

----- tabitha 21.11.08 00:01


Justice’s D.A.N.C.E. video. Wonderfully entertaining, with design to boot.


Justice’s DVNO video. This one is all about logo design. Songs aren’t too shabby either.

----- Rick 20.11.08 23:48

Alas, it has been too long of a day to be clever enough to win this fantastic package. It totally would’ve made my family’s stockings, too, because this is exactly the kind of thing we fill each other’s stockings with (one year my mother jokingly asked for straws, so we filled her entire stocking with as many varieties of straws as we could muster. Apparently there are a lot of different kind of straws. And now we’re good on straws for years to come.)

I’m personally amused by all of the word art that failed horribly because these comments end up being plain text…

----- Maggie 20.11.08 23:23

you know what’s funny??

jokes are pretty funny. hehe

----- emily shan 20.11.08 23:23

what do a dog and a seagull have in common?

They both fly…except for the dog.

----- mike 20.11.08 23:12

am in need of a new nose. i cud be da new female michael jackson.
‘…it’s black or white ….yeah yeah yeaah!’

----- banel 20.11.08 23:01

Joke for the typography geeks, anyone?

keming = inconsistent kerning

Ahahaha. :D

----- Lix 20.11.08 22:57


----- diana 20.11.08 22:56


----- LC 20.11.08 22:54

I love all of their stuff but can’t find it anywhere here! Man alive. I too have no idea how it is we can win but it told me to comment to win so here I am. I love notcot! Long time reader, first time commenter. What a great way to start a Christmas for anyone!

----- Stacey S 20.11.08 22:53

I’m kind of a fatass so the small plates of the finger-food, well it’s a good way for portion control. Honest. Might be helfpul.

----- Nate 20.11.08 22:46

Q: What did the British cab driver say to the man with three heads, no arms, and one leg?

A: ‘ello, ‘ello, ‘ello! You look ‘armless - ‘op in!

----- Ziggity 20.11.08 22:28

Omg, I wish there was a chance I could win. But the thoughts in my head bear not a single trace of entertainment… How about a haiku?

In this giveaway
The cute items stole my heart
I love puns so much

Hahaha! I tried. See you next time! :D

----- Lori 20.11.08 22:27

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters and they were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but “Nescafe”. Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said:

“Good till the last drop”.

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: “Benson & Hedges”. Mom now knew to go straight to her husband’s cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack:

“Extra Long. King Size”.

She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.

Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words “British Airways”. Mom took out her latest Harper’s Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BA. The ad said:

“Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways.”

Mom fainted…

----- jojojo8888 20.11.08 22:22

Frozen smiles! =)

----- Justin Shen 20.11.08 22:17

oh wow these are all the things i’ve always wanted to get from fred & friends but never had the courage of actually going ahead with the purchase :P

----- Miguel 20.11.08 21:58

This would all make for the most interesting orgy of the century.

----- Stasia Burrington 20.11.08 21:55

all day, i tried to think of something amusing to come up to put on as a comment.
and to me, irony is the most amusing thing of all. seeing that fred & friends thrive on the ironic names of their products, i figured this might be appropos.


----- jenat 20.11.08 21:52

why was the baby ant so confused??

because all of his uncles were ants!!

----- Julie! 20.11.08 21:32

What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre

Ba dum tisssss!

Was that lame? Offensive maybe? Oh god. I lost didn’t I?

----- patrick michael m. 20.11.08 21:28

Someone once told me a joke and it goes like this

“So there were two shoes one was a sneaker and one was a vans slip on.”

thats it. if you understand it please let me know because I still don’t

----- Jenn 20.11.08 21:26

I love the utter milk carafe.

----- Tom 20.11.08 21:22

I don’t think love is real.

----- sage 20.11.08 21:12

seeing all these great giveaway’s
in one place makes me pants happy:)

----- jayson 20.11.08 21:01

when I was 8, picking my nose was my hobby

----- Bails 20.11.08 20:57

oh please oh please

----- jo 20.11.08 20:49

Great stocking stuffers

----- Linda 20.11.08 20:42

just love it!

----- lisa 20.11.08 20:42

love this!

----- josh Mervis 20.11.08 20:39

the other day this girl told me a super hilarious story about how her mom walked in on her masturbating. i know… girls and masturbation are like.. something you cant talk about but the whole reason it was so funny to me was that we were in public when she was telling me this story. she was sitting on her couch in her house alone one high school afternoon, found her hand down her pants and was ahem.. amusing herself.. her mom walks in from a long day at work and is walking through the living room into the kitchen making small talk and what not. at this point the girl doesnt get caught but every time her mom walks in and out of the room she quickly finds a way to hide it. eventually though after the 5th time of what do you want for dinner, her mom,while snacking on chips, finally catches her.. she goes HONEY, thats why you have a bed room with a door! the girl storms upstairs and screams RAVIOLI!

----- amusingtome 20.11.08 20:37

i’m gunna give this a try. please pick me :)

----- Aurie Catt 20.11.08 20:34


----- trivisty 20.11.08 20:27

Hm…i dont really have anything interesting to say right now. Well. Other than the fact that I’m in a SWIRLY chair right now!!! I know it sounds lame, but we don’t usually have swirly chairs at my house!! They’re usually all…hard…and stationary. This one is all smooshy…and SWIRLY!!! I am sorry, I cannot type this comment any longer, for i must swirl my way around the room.

----- Maddie 20.11.08 20:09

Unfortunately, due to the huge amount of homework and stress I have, I cannot even attempt to be funny or amusing. I can only express my deepest wishes that you will decide to brighten my week (or actually, month or year) by giving me some really cool free stuff. :)

----- Alex B 20.11.08 20:09

I need more stuff!

----- Diana 20.11.08 20:08

Dear Jean,

This giveaway appears to be wholly biased towards people that are amusing.

Oliver Bennett

----- Oliver Bennett 20.11.08 20:07

So i would try to be witty in the aforementioned manner. but really…i’m a college student and I just finished finals. I’m surprised that my mind can still form words.

----- Folu Akinkuotu 20.11.08 19:55

OH SNAP I wanna drink from a pick my nose cup and pack some heat while being taped to the wall with tinsle tape! hell yeah sounds like a party!

----- janelle 20.11.08 19:54

This basket could bring me so much joy while simultaneously bring my future mother-in-law worry and complete and utter confusion. Its the gift that would just keep on giving.

----- Dani 20.11.08 19:53

Just so you know… My claim to fame is that my nose is the featured nose on the pack of pick your nose! that’s all.

----- Willa 20.11.08 19:49

New job, new state, new apartment, new kitchen, new life, new friends, need new fun kitchen toys!

----- Alex F. 20.11.08 19:42

Why do ducks have flat feet?
For stomping out forest fires

Why do elephants have flat feet?
For stomping out flaming ducks

----- cc 20.11.08 19:40

Today wasn’t such a good day for me. I woke up on the front lawn of a house I have never seen before in a city whose name I cannot pronounce wearing nothing but one brown sandal which wasn’t the right size and wasn’t even on my foot.

So then I was left to wander the streets, alone and cold with prying eyes staring disdainfully at my tinker toys until I was picked up by the local law enforcement and taken back to the station where I stayed for an indiscernible amount of time until I was eventually picked up by my wife, who by the way says that I should, in light of recent events, use that term loosely, whatever that means.

You know, the worst part about all of this is that this isn’t the first time this has happened. Actually its the fourth. Sure the names and places have changed and the articles of clothing have varied, but other than that, pretty much the same. At least I have learned something from all of this though and that is that jail is a very somber and sad place, especially for the nude.

It is because of this new found knowledge that you find me here, entering this comment. This event will most likely happen again and as such, I would like to be prepared by wrapping my twig and berries with that tinsel tape and style it like a Christmas tree so I could at least bring a little holiday cheer to my fellow jailbirds after what is becoming a normal post church occurrence. Thank you for your consideration.

----- Derek Ralls 20.11.08 19:31

So the other weekend, I got so drunk that I ended up with my head in a trash can all night long. I ended up crashing out on my friend’s couch, still with my head in the trash can. Next to me was my guy friend getting it on with some girl. The girl’s head was next to my butt, and every time I started to throw up, I’d fart at the same time. Instead of moving the girl, my guy friend kept her right next to my butt, thus allowing her to get a whiff of the glory that was my flatulence.

----- Connie 20.11.08 19:24

nose cups

----- dylan 20.11.08 19:05

I feel bad, because when I actually TRY to be amusing, I’m usually not… HERE IS MY COLLEGE TRY:

What kind of bee makes milk?


----- Luke 20.11.08 18:58

10 ways to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer

10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM ports have truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is “Bubba”.
4. There’s a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There’s a Coors can in the cup holder(CD-ROM drive).
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

AND the number 1 way to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer is…

1. The mouse is referred to as a “critter”.

Lovin livin even more if i get this gorgeous gift package.

----- Jeni Spang 20.11.08 18:51

i want to be the winner. fo shizzle.
the stuff is super rad.

----- zindy 20.11.08 18:46

I’ve been getting a good kick out of the perpetual kid stuff for months! If they only shipped to Canada…

----- JHuck 20.11.08 18:45

In an attempt to leave an amusing comment, I will now tell you my most embarrasing moment….
When I was applying to college, I wanted to be a designer, but also to play soccer. So i picked schools that had soccer teams and sent out tapes of me playing for the coaches to see. To my excitement, the coach from Savannah College of Art and Design called me back! I was in a store with a friend when the phone rang and here is how the conversation went: “Hello?” “Hi, Is this Niki?” “Yes” “Hi, this Coach **** from SCAD calling you back about your try out tape.” “Oh Great!” “Yea…well…did you know the tape you sent us didn’t have any soccer on it?” “What? was it blank?, I’m sorry it must have been a mistake. I can send another.” “No, no. It wasn’t blank…but it did have a bunch of girls sitting around a room….and a…stripper.” “WHAT!????”-
Ok at this point my mind was racing, and I suddenly remembered. At my best friends 16th birthday party my mother had the brilliant idea of embarrassing her by getting her a male stripper (who only stripped down to his pants ((thank god)) ) dressed as a cop. I had accidentally sent out a tape of that glorious event instead of my soccer tape. The best part of all is that the coach was in a room with some important school officials when he turned on the video and everyone got to witness it in my name….
Whelp, in the end, the coach was very amused and invited me to come try out for the team in person. I did make the team in the end (although I did not end up going to SCAD) but the coach never let me forget the tape the whole time I was there.
I hope that satisfies your amusement needs!

----- Niki 20.11.08 18:41

Here’s my favorite joke, courtesy of the [blog] (www.titleofshow.com/blog)

So this guy goes into a bar in a little town in Alaska and he’s pretty down in spirits (and he downs some spirits). The bartender strikes up a conversation with him and he learns that the fella is glum because he feels like he’s done everything he’s ever wanted to do in the world. A fellow patron a few stools away gets into the conversation and asks the guys if he’s ever climbed Mt. Everest. “Sure have” our hero says. “Twice.” The other barfly asks - well have ever swam the English Channel? “Yep,” he retorts. This goes on for ten minutes or so until another fella at the bar asks him, “Hey, have you ever seen the Foo?” “The what?”…”The Foo.” He further explains that the Foo is a creature that lives in the mountains in Northern Alaska but that anyone who has ever gone to see him has met a fateful fate. The legend claims that if you come in contact with the foo’s feces and then try to wash it off, you’ll turn to stone.
Intigued, our hero decides he’s going to capture the Foo as his last grand feat on the planet. The next morning he gathers a small hunting party and heads off to the mountains. Several days of camping go by and on the fourth day, he and the group decide they could cover more territory by splitting up and meeting back at the camp later that night. Our fellow takes off on his own and after several hours he stops to take a nap under a tree. Unbeknownst to him in his slumber, the Foo comes along and shits all over him. He wakes to the stench and immediately races down the hill to a small pond and leaps in to wash it off. He instantly turns to stone. The campers sadly find the solid-rock body of our hero the next day.
The moral of the story: If the Foo shits, wear it.

Sure, it’s probably old. You might have heard it before. But I love Fred and their products to the point where the lady at Borders kicks me out of the novelty section at the store closing time because I can’t decide between the batter finger and the foot in the door. Hope ^ that got me a chance at winning!

----- swankifiedjello 20.11.08 18:36

dP oo oo
88d888b. .d8888b. dP dP dP .d8888b. .d8888b. 88d888b. dP
88’ `88 88ooood8 88 88 88 88ooood8 88’ `88 88’ `88 88
88 88 88. … 88. .88 88 88. … 88. .88 88 88 88
dP dP `88888P’ `8888P88 88 `88888P’ `88888P8 dP dP dP
.88 88
d8888P dP
dP dP dP .d8888b. 88d888b. 88d888b. .d8888b. 88d888b. .d8888b.
88 88 88 88’ `88 88’ `88 88’ `88 88’ `88 88’ `88 88ooood8
88.88b.88’ 88. .88 88 88 88 88 88. .88 88. .88 88. …
8888P Y8P `88888P8 dP dP dP dP `88888P8 88Y8888’ `88888P’

dP dP dP
88 88 88
d8888P 88d888b. .d8888b. .d8888b. .d8888b. .d8888b. 88
88 88’ `88 88ooood8 88’ `”” 88’ `88 88’ `88 88
88 88 88 88. … 88. … 88. .88 88. .88 88
dP dP dP `88888P’ `88888P’ `88888P’ `88888P’ dP

dP oo dP oo dP dP
88 88 88 88
88 .dP dP .d888b88 dP 88d888b. d8888P 88d888b. .d8888b.
88888” 88 88’ `88 88 88’ `88 88 88’ `88 88ooood8
88 `8b. 88 88. .88 88 88 88 88 88 88 88. …
dP `YP dP `88888P8 dP dP dP dP dP dP `88888P’

dP oo dP dP
88 88 88
88 .dP dP d8888P .d8888b. 88d888b. .d8888b. 88d888b.
88888” 88 88 88’ `”” 88’ `88 88ooood8 88’ `88
88 `8b. 88 88 88. … 88 88 88. … 88 88
dP `YP dP dP `88888P’ dP dP `88888P’ dP dP

so pick me? meow?

----- elaine 20.11.08 18:30


----- 415 20.11.08 18:28

gotta love kids…

Jill: “Daddy, I have a voice inside of my head that tells me things that other people can’t hear”
Dad: “Really, What is the voice inside of your head saying while I am talking to you?”
Jill: “It is saying Blah, Blah, Blah.. Whatever!”

now, will fred add me to his collection of friends?

----- joann 20.11.08 18:22

Me: “Can you pass the creamer please?”
Mom: ::reaches inconspicuously for the ‘normal’ creamer::
Me: “Noooo… the udder one.”

Ba dum ch.


----- Lindsey 20.11.08 18:06

Hey Id like to be friends with Fred

----- Tmurch 20.11.08 18:04

Oh jeeze more stuff I want but can’t get!

----- Lazarou 20.11.08 18:04

The best way to win: make the judge of the contest laugh.

NOW. Imagine Ben Stein saying, “meoowww.” nice and slow-like. Awesome, right?

----- Laura 20.11.08 18:01

As much as I would love to keep all of these things for myself…I can think of a few deserving friends that could get a laugh out of these. It’s not re-gifting if you didn’t receive it as a gift first right?

----- april_d 20.11.08 17:59

It’s a big bag of wonky!

----- Erin 20.11.08 17:54

I accidentally the whole giveaway!

----- Cara 20.11.08 17:52

maybe i will win to make this bad day good!

----- jennifer 20.11.08 17:43

nobody told fred
irony is dead

----- dontstealmyidea 20.11.08 17:41

Moving into a new house means this would really really be helpful - and stylish too! hell… nose cups = ultimate ‘new house’ party.

----- Clayton Fletcher 20.11.08 17:40

most amusing

----- Ace 20.11.08 17:30

¡⅁ᴎIS∩W∀ ⊥Oᴎ SI SIH⊥

----- Ryan 20.11.08 17:28

I love Lamp.

----- LeBerto 20.11.08 17:27

˙˙˙ʎɐpoʇ ɟɟo sןǝǝɟ ƃuıɥʇǝɯos

----- Sam Chow 20.11.08 17:26

My boyfriend suggested “PENIS!!!” as an amusing prize-worthy comment. I disdainfully disagreed. He yelled out “PENIS!!!” and ran out of the room giggling like a schoolgirl. *sigh* Can I at least get a sympathy prize?

----- Laura 20.11.08 17:15


----- Casey Merrill 20.11.08 17:13

A musing
A muse sing.

Well I could be a muse, inspire all those out there, I would sing at the top of my lungs until the world could hear, how happy I am that I’ve received a lovely parcel of gifts on my porch steps.

----- Antoinette Tsang 20.11.08 17:12

What are the mario brother’s overalls made out of?


----- miara 20.11.08 17:11

I ♥ Lamp

----- Ivett 20.11.08 17:06

My friend Owen could use those cups.

----- kelsey 20.11.08 16:55

Why settle for shampoo when you could have REAL poo?

just a thought.

----- Jewels 20.11.08 16:54

This giveaway just made my list of things I covet today!

----- amy 20.11.08 16:43

me wants it

----- Jane 20.11.08 16:41

OMG I totally wanted all that stuff. We could totally have a party if you picked me! I would invite you guys and like 912874823y4q234rq98q2734q2 other people and we could have a band and cheese. Cheese is good. And Booze. I Like booze. You should pick me. Come on who else has offered to throw you a party?!

----- Jordi 20.11.08 16:35


----- Tiffany 20.11.08 16:34

Please give these to me, I will use all these products on a rotating basis for my vaginal pleasure.

----- kitty 20.11.08 16:33

A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre, so the bar man gave her one.

That’s it. That’s the sum total of my wit.

----- Hannah Hood 20.11.08 16:29

Thank you so much for the opportunity to win some of the goodies that I see on your website everyday!! Good luck everyone!

Here is my attempt at humor, I saw this not long after the economy started saturating the news:

A man went to his bank manager and said, “I’d like to start a small business. How do I go about it?”

“Simple,” said the manager. “Buy a big one and wait.”

----- Jeff M. 20.11.08 16:24

My friend Fred just got his cassette memorial film (Forget cassettes?) in to a London short film festival, he really deserves a new nose.

----- Ina 20.11.08 16:22

This gift package is adorable!! please pick me!!!

----- natali mendez 20.11.08 16:16

What if, a dog ate a biscuit, and it left crumbs all over his mouth. Then he said, “woof! woof! woof!” and the owner laughed so much he died.



----- Sissy La Wampa 20.11.08 16:15

i want i want!! pick me!

----- LAuri Berkman 20.11.08 16:12

I DO NOT WANT to win this awful stuff… DO NOT send it to me. Please, Jean. DO NOT punish me with these horrible gifts from Fred, definitely NOT one of my favorite vendors of all time. Really. Don’t. Please.

Did that work?

----- abh75 20.11.08 16:10

I think the next to be bailed out are the oil and gas companies

----- samir 20.11.08 16:01

It seems like if Fred were your friend, he would be that friend that everyone rolls their eyes at. Jokey gifts, clever names, rhymes, puns… I wish Fred were my friend. Actually, I think I may know Fred.

----- Lindsey 20.11.08 15:59

Must have the nose cups. 1) because I love Gogol’s story ‘The Nose’ and 2) it would give me a chance to say “You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose”.

----- Zed 20.11.08 15:57

101000011001011 000011 001000 0110011001000101110110110101011111001
110001000001011 0 1000 1000 101111 00011101011100001011000100010101011
101110011010101 00 100 1011 110110 01110010100110010011101010001111000
101011010100100 000 11 1111 100011 00101010010000010111110100110010101
011101101101101 1011 1 0011 110011 00000000110110001001010101100101110
100000011101101 11101 0001 100110 0101 101 000 1111010100001010
101000011001011 000001 001011 111010 010 011 1100101011111001
01111111001001 010101 001000 111000 0100110 10000000100101
01110111110101 1011101 0011 0001 1111001 011 11100 100100111111101
00111101100110 1111001 0100 111 00100100011010 01 011010000110001011
01011110011111 01101 011 11110001000000 110100111111010001
00111111110011 1000001110010 111 10011110100001 1100 1011001000100001
11001010110101 1010010111101 1101 10101111 000 100110 111011110010011
01101110101011 1101100100000 01111 11011 0010110 0110101001110
11101111010000100010010 001010011 1001 0001 10110001111111010
00111100100111001100100 0100101 001 1110001100110 01011110000001101
10001010100111010000010 1 10000 1 010 1110010111011 00011011011010010
00011110100000000001110 01 1101 00 101 10110 00101001011001010
00010101010110011101101 10 11 100 011 0000110100101 01010010101100001
01101101010111101110101 010 0 111 010 01010110010011001101001110100010
01000010110101011011101 1111 0110 000 1010 10011000011001111

----- Robert Cowan 20.11.08 15:55

Zenius deserves to win it. But if I wouldn’t mind putting my hands on it!!!!!

----- Lilian 20.11.08 15:44

today’s my birthday… really.

----- jenny 20.11.08 15:43

I’m drawing a blank…so I’ll have to PUNt

----- rla_2 20.11.08 15:41

I COULD leave an interesting comment or NOTCOT COULD just give me those gift. (pretty please?)

----- Bernard 20.11.08 15:34

That jug is udderly beautiful, i WANT! :D

----- Colin 20.11.08 15:33

Wow. Puns of steel!

----- Dan 20.11.08 15:33

I went over to Fred’s blog to see what would really amuse them… I think it’s fair to say that what amuses them most, is them? Right? I mean, they say it in the blog entry titled: “Tis the Season for Gift Guides” that they like making stuff, getting more press, posting about the press and making more stuff to get more press to post about it. And while they feel their blog is about the reader, this contest is about Fred. So, while I don’t own a big website or magazine or anything like that, I can’t give them exactly what they want. The amusement of themselves. But I can say that 1. A lot of the previous comments and future ones have some really funny jokes, that I will remember only partially and tell me friends a “me” version of the joke, which they will not think is funny because I am a really bad joke teller and 2. While the media continues to tell us that practical gifts should be the expectation this year, I’m happy to know that Fred’s stuff is practical and funny. Because anyone in that dire of a holiday situation that only needs/gets practical gifts really needs to lighten up… and I think calf & half will bring a smile to those folks face.

----- Ann 20.11.08 15:32

DJ, rewind that!!

----- Gia 20.11.08 15:32

Michael from “The Office” deserves this giveaway package.

----- Law Offices of Johnston & Johnston 20.11.08 15:30

Today in class I was talking to my seventh-grade students about Colin Powell. One of the kids said, “Colin Powell? Ain’t he the pope?”

That was amusing.

----- kathryn 20.11.08 15:30

Pick your nose? Don’t mind if I do! …Oh, I see now that you mean “pick” as in choose, not insert finger into nostril.

----- Emmie 20.11.08 15:29

They are too awesome.

----- oakie 20.11.08 15:22

i teach the 7th grade. it gets no more amusing than that.

----- jen 20.11.08 15:19

I am absolutely sure those items will be good for storing my laptop filled with mudkips, feeding milk to my dear mudkips, chilling the milk with ice cubes for my mudkips, raising the temperature of my mudkips, opening bottles of booze for my mudkips, playing drinking games with my mudkips, shaking salt and pepper on food for my mudkips, giving food on plates for my mudkips, resting my spoons after feeding my dear mudkips… Mud… Kip!

Will it improve the quality of my life? No, but my mudkips will be happy!

----- Edward 20.11.08 15:18

Sweet Sassy Molassy! A plethora of cool things and just a comment away. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

----- BRONE 20.11.08 15:08

From a recent episode of an awesome series:

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub, I’m dwowning!

----- aldo 20.11.08 15:01

I had to jump out of bed and run across the road with just my trousers on this morning to explain to a very sceptical traffic warden that i was only stopping for a minute…and i have been on notcot all day researching for a uni project because it is awesome for inspiration! :)

----- Lawrence 20.11.08 14:59

The nose cups at least would be a good and cheap option to a plastic surgery of my nose.

----- Andrea 20.11.08 14:54

What if you had the ability to know the thoughts of something but only if you killed it?

Walking down the street you step on an ant and suddenly you know that ant was thinking, “Must get food for the queen, must get food for the queen, I must get her attention again…we shared something special last night, I know it. Wha…Look out human…ahhhhhhh

Or you hit a bird driving home and you hear, “Those darn chicks are so freakin’ needy! How much food do I have to eat and throw up into their mouth before they finally just sleep? I just want to get to fly around again with out worrying about a stinkin cat breaking in and…whoa…uh!

I bet it would be rather depressing but sometimes you would feel like you helped some psycho depressed squirrel or something but mostly I think it would be hard. I am going to write a book that contains examples of this terrible gift but I need to brainstorm with some people and so I need creative party materials to be sure I get the most out of my guests.

…or something like that.

----- Paul Schmidt 20.11.08 14:53

what is brown and rhymes with snoop?

wait for it….

wait for it…..


----- nick 20.11.08 14:49

This is going to sound really lame, but the first thing I saw on that list was “hand warmer”. All my friends think I have some kind of circulatory issue because I’m always cold, and right now my hands literally feel like I’ve been holding snow. But here’s the catch, I live in Florida. (Maybe New Hampshire for Xmas isn’t a good idea…)

Aside from that, the cassette tote is a must for any die-hard music fan. Me wants!

----- LMD 20.11.08 14:46


----- Johnny 20.11.08 14:45

I am unable to think of anything witty…is that how you win, anyway? Here’s hoping that someone picks me!

----- Lauren 20.11.08 14:40

I’m Fred’s friend…you can give it to me…please…or I can pretend to be Fred…

----- Andrew 20.11.08 14:39

whoa….good luck reading all the entries this time! I know its the season to give and not recieve, but i would love to get these amazing gadgets (especially the creamer).

----- Kate G 20.11.08 14:35

lol… l…o…l

----- cj 20.11.08 14:33

Revised Ode to Calf & Half Haiku

in other udders
shared by brothers, milk comes out
BUT here, milk goes in

(it had to be the BUT)

----- Jason 20.11.08 14:33

I have a beef with what this post…how cud you like such silly fodder? That creamer glass is udderly absurd, I’ve never herd of such a thing.
And I’d hate to be picked out of a crowd with one of those cups. Who nose what people might think!? Better stick to plain ol’ cups so you won’t blow it.

----- Megan 20.11.08 14:31

I’m not very amusing. Therefore, I need to win this package so at least I can clutter my surroundings with amusing objects and perhaps be seen as somewhat amusing by proxy.

----- Darrel 20.11.08 14:31

Subject: Whose spider is that?


----- Judy 20.11.08 14:29

Gin and Titonic…AWESOME!

----- Jenn 20.11.08 14:29

This is not a comment

----- Jefferson McClure 20.11.08 14:24

What happens when a pooch breaks into a chicken coop?

You get pooched eggs… wackka, wackka, wackka

----- Adri 20.11.08 14:24


----- Jessi Blackham 20.11.08 14:24

I know I can’t do as good a job as you guys at NOTCOT so how about you continue what you’re good at, entertaining me, and pick me to win all this great stuff.

----- brett 20.11.08 14:22

Shameless design hipster here,

I have to say I am in LOVE with Fred & Friends, and if I could collect all of their brilliant wares I certainly would.

For starters, I have a serious fetish for novel ice-cube trays, and I wasn’t able to find the Gin & Titonic’s for ages; it’s time to usher them into my collection.

As a tea specialist, the Calf & Half will go perfectly among my tea equipage!

And, for my nights out on the town, that fierce Cassette Tote will be a good companion for my current silver turntable tote!

Please, NotCot, COMPLETE ME!

----- Tyler 20.11.08 14:21

This would be great :D

Very good idea =)

----- Julien 20.11.08 14:21


----- andrew 20.11.08 14:20

man that hot shot hand warmer is clever….these days are getting REALLY cold.

----- Patricia 20.11.08 14:17


----- mitzi 20.11.08 14:17

As soon as I saw the pic for this giveaway, I could literally think of someone I could give each one of those items too. I would be the queen of stocking stuffers this year with this giveaway!

----- Kendra N. 20.11.08 14:17

I’ll take it all. :)

----- Adam Simms 20.11.08 14:17

OMG i want it all!

----- cowashee 20.11.08 14:15

right said fred put it best - “i’m to sexy for this contest”

----- seth 20.11.08 14:14

Most amusing? The pressures on. How about a joke from my Electric Company joke book? Yes, I have dragged thing thing around for 30 years waiting for a moment like this. So in honor of Thanksgiving next week…
What kind of dance do the Pilgrims do?
The Pymouth rock!

----- Heather K. 20.11.08 14:13

My high school prom stood me up. This would erase memory of that.

----- MRod 20.11.08 14:12

Babar and I could kick some mother effin arse with this stuff!!!

----- homieaddict13 20.11.08 14:12

hello!! notcot it great! did you know that in nov 20 1984, Michael Jackson burned his hair in a pepsi ad? :)

----- Pamela Lin 20.11.08 14:11

Dear Fred,
I’ve been feelin’ awful blue lately. The weather here in Michigan will just suck the fun right out of ya. Since the dark clouds have rolled in, I often find myself sitting in my little lonesome apartment, petting my cat, and looking awfully forlorn, i’m sure. I do think, however, that you have the capacity to brighten up my long winter days…

----- L00shkin 20.11.08 14:11

fun knee

----- beryl 20.11.08 14:10

WOW, all the stuff I never wanted or needed!! Great stocking stuffers!!

----- U Pech 20.11.08 14:10


----- kosenrufu mama 20.11.08 14:10

A Haiku about the Calf & Half

in other udders
shared by brothers, milk comes out
here, milk goes in

(and then comes back out, into my belly)

----- Jason 20.11.08 14:09

I think i could have those if they were given to me. But ill have to make that decision when the time comes.

----- Ben Poole 20.11.08 14:07

Damn…it’s hard to compete with the Pick Me guy. I’m nice…nice people deserve a little niceness back. Or did I just seem un-nice by saying that? Heck…I love Fred.

----- please sir 20.11.08 14:07

I want the pair of jeans that when *I* wear them, *everyone’s* butt looks better. Does Fred have that yet? No? Er, um, okay, then I’d like this other stuff instead. Thank you.

----- sea 20.11.08 14:07

Guess who is super jealous of whoever gets all of this?
That’s right, I am.

----- josie 20.11.08 14:05

Given the opportunity, I will do my best to prevent each of these deliciously useless products from ever spending a moment in a landfill, where, i fear, their true destiny lies.

----- Kevin 20.11.08 14:03

I bought the cassette tote for my boyfriend, Robert, for his birthday a couple months back. He absolutely loved it and carried it everywhere with him. He likes to paint and draw and collage and whatnot. So that’s mainly what he carried with him. One day I borrowed it and so I could use his art supplies. The bag was made of very thin biodegradable material, which I didn’t really expect. So as I got on the train platform to board the CTA, I hear a sizzling sound from inside the bag. When I look inside I see my soda had fizzled all over the place. All over his sketchbook and his random cutouts he was using to make a collage. I knew he would be so mad, so I ended up calling him and telling him that I was spending the weekend with my friend Laura, who painstakingly helped me recreate all of his drawings and find similiar cutouts for his collage (after tracking down ten issues of Vice magazine). We were never able to get the stickiness from the soda out of the bag (I told him his glue got everywhere from his collages and he beleived it). So I would love to give this to him for Christmas, because he was so upset about what happened :(

----- Joshua 20.11.08 14:02

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

She didn’t have any arms!

----- Thom Graves 20.11.08 14:02

hook it up with all them goodies!!!!!

i love those cups…


----- james 20.11.08 14:02

Please pick mine. I simply can’t afford the therapy for another rejection.

----- Nix Smith 20.11.08 14:02

its udderly fabulous……i know but i had to!

----- Lena 20.11.08 14:01

Pretty much awesome x 1000

----- james park 20.11.08 14:00

I want to be the Ginger to your big pile of Fred.

Only with more dancing.

----- Greg 20.11.08 14:00

That Calf and Half is UDDERLY ADORABLE!! If my MAMMARY SERVES, I love cow juice. Am I MILKING it too much? Gimme gimme gimme!

----- Sherman Warren 20.11.08 14:00

ready … set … laugh.

----- Eric 20.11.08 13:59

FRED!! Can’t wait to win this package!!

----- Jami 20.11.08 13:58

Two bloggers walk into a bar.
One says “ouch”
The other says “I’m SO posting that bar on NOTCOT!!”

----- Corey 20.11.08 13:56


----- emily 20.11.08 13:54

GYAHHHHHH I’ve loved those cups since i first layed eyes on them a while back. That cassette bag is sooo freaking super special awesome.

I want this stuff with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns! *_____*

----- Brittany Long 20.11.08 13:53

I want it all.

----- Remy 20.11.08 13:52

[[ Insert an EXTREMELY witty comment]]

----- Anii 20.11.08 13:52

salt and peeper has to be the cutest shaker ever

----- Kye 20.11.08 13:51

I am really desperate for Fred stuff. We are living in a Fred desert up here in Canada.

----- bowreality 20.11.08 13:50

Free stuff that I NEED / Gin and Titonic ice cubes / drinks end tragically

----- Tony 20.11.08 13:50

I dream of a day when chickens can cross roads without their motives being questioned. That is all.

----- hasi 20.11.08 13:48

Mostly I’m an FM-user, but I promise I’ll be nothing but AM-using from now on. I’ll listen to AM 24/7 so I can be the most AM-using.

----- Daniel F 20.11.08 13:48

Fred and Friends are foolish feral foxes fashioning fun finds for fanatical funky freaks, like me.

----- schrack attack 20.11.08 13:19

One in every hundred comments lacks wit.

----- Collin Banko 20.11.08 13:06

I actually need to win this stuff so that i can sell it on ebay for cash and what doesnt sell I will regift to my family for the holidays.

----- benjie 20.11.08 13:01

Please, please, please! That awesome goodie bag will make me the coolest graduate student on campus (if such a thing is even possible!). I will be able to use the spoon rest to place my pipets, decorate the lab with the tinsel tape to spruce up the room for the holidays and more! I’ll even post it on Notcot to show them all off :D

----- maria~ 20.11.08 12:57

Two teenage boys in my house, I’d like to leave their “to do” lists tacked up in their room with a wad of gum.

----- myrna eiselauer 20.11.08 12:56

Who knew crap can be so witty! Fred, you and your friends are geniuses!

----- Z. Zoleta 20.11.08 12:54

pretty please?
Be your best friend.
Carry your books.

----- kellyd 20.11.08 12:53

Seriously!!! I WANT THIS, just because I will never find it in my country, besides, to spend a lot of money to buy all of that deliciously-tempting-in-a-weird-kind-of-way goodies is never gonna happen according to my allowance :(, ah well… just testing my luck haha, besides the nose-cup thingy could make me sexier! Yeah, I kinda hate my nose…

----- Dian 20.11.08 12:33

paper or plastic?
Plastic, hell yeah

----- Hadar Gatt 20.11.08 12:30

honestly, why are your giveaways the same things I spent money on last week? I think you are doing it out of spite.

----- Conrad 20.11.08 12:30

Here is Fred.
Fred is evil,
But Fred is nice.
Fred can swindle the Devil with goodies and things
Not once but twice.

Fred’s my best friend—
Oh, how I love him so.
Together we spend
Stitching fabrics; with needles we sew.

Oh Fred, Oh Fred,
With you ultimate style,
You make it a habbit,
And it gets me excited!

He’ll slice and dice,
He’ll taint and fabricate
and make everthing nice.

Fred is an ace,
Fred make things for the human race—
But sometimes only for me!

I love my Fred.

----- dougroovy 20.11.08 12:09

OMG! I want the Salt & Pepper!!
I have recently picked up cooking (not major stuff) and the other day my pepper shaker fell into my boiling pot. I know that with this one from Fred it will never happen! Awesome.

----- Art 20.11.08 12:04

this is the kind of junk that u won’t even wanna throw out in 20 years, and PERFECT for my housewarming party! it’s oh so yummy!

----- rachel 20.11.08 12:03

Yesterday I was standing in line at the ATM. An elderly lady in front asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

----- James 20.11.08 11:59

It’s jingle time!
For the lovers of nautical,
there’s nothing more hot or cool
than a glass of gin and titonic.
And the prosh Salt & Peeper is a sure fire keeper,
ready to shake, an unusual chick.
If you want beverage adventures,
Frozen smiles provides it with strange icy dentures.
Wish you had a new nose? Well don’t be morose
The pick your nose cup is like clothes for the nose!

I’d right a jingle for every product but I’m sure you’re going to have hundreds of comments to go through here, so I’ll close with a very random joke:

Q: Where can you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right where you left him!

----- Jessica J. 20.11.08 11:54

I’m from Belgium and my english sucks. So i am not commenting this… :-S

FrED is so expensive over here !!!! please give me some.

i’ll lick your site :-P NODCOT.com

----- Nils 20.11.08 11:30

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal

----- Danielle 20.11.08 11:30

I was looking at NOT.COT all sad and depressed
To my great surprise, I found this lovely contest
that would save me from my life that’s very messed.
But to explain this, a few things need to be confessed.

See a few weeks ago, my parrot started to protest
He said I was crazy, putting salt in him was obsessed!
When I glued plates on rings for my favorite guests
they said their jewels were ruined, they weren’t impressed.

So I decided to bring home a cow, just as a test
she wasn’t happier than my parrot, as you might have guessed.
When I put her on the table she screamed, as possessed
She would kick me any time I’d come slightly near her breasts.

They say ”Use a normal opener!”, but who needs the quest?
so all my keys are broken, this I truly detest.
When I put a note on my fridge there’s gum all over my vest.
Just because I hate real magnets I’m never properly dressed.

But oh there is more: my cold hands make me stressed!
My cassettes are small, my spoon needs a rest,
and actual teeth are really hard to digest.
All of these problems made me lose all my zest.

Now that you’ve heard my story, I have a small request
I think I have proved that I need this box more than the rest
So pick me and I’ll scream ”Fred’s the best! The Best!!”
For you’d be saving me from cuckoo’s nest.

----- monom 20.11.08 11:24

WITTY COMMENT HERE…now gimme gimme gimme!

----- Michael La Calameto 20.11.08 11:22

Fred and his Friends stood behind the Tensel Tape backstage at the Salt and Peeper concert with Frozen Smiles. Was it that good or were they just Stuck Up? It must have been bad because the band invited them to the after party where they drank Gin and Titonics and munched on Finger Food. Fred got Luckey and went home with the Hot Shot hired gun who’ll want to Spoon Rest afterward. Clearly Fred’s Friends would not have his luck. In his usual cocky manner, Fred shouted out “Guys, don’t just stand there and Pick Your Nose” on his way out. Wanting to Pound him for embarrassing them, but not admittedly being Party People, they cruised out to their beater, popped the bootleg Classic Cassette into the dash and went for a cup of Calf and Half.

----- Lovin' Fred 20.11.08 11:20

notcot. it’s narcotics, inn’t.

----- Tim 20.11.08 11:07

Oh, what a neat selection of goodies!

----- dave 20.11.08 11:06

I don’t wanna grow up
I’m a notcot kid
There weird and funny thing on here that I can play with -
From Ice to games and strange food things
The bestest website there is!
I don’t wanna grow up cuz if I did
I couldn’t be a not cot kid!

----- Laura 20.11.08 10:58

hopefully the gin & titonic would remind me of the disasters that occur when i drink too much g&t. might be a good thing.

----- Kate Speidel 20.11.08 10:50

I love going on to this website and finding great knickknacks. I myself, being a butcher, have found myself backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in my work from spending so much time here.

----- Annie 20.11.08 10:38

I was looking at NOT.COT all sad and depressed
To my great surprise, I found this lovely contest
that would save from my life that’s very messed.
But to explain this, a few things need to be confessed.

See a few weeks ago, my parrot started to protest
He said I was crazy, putting salt in him was obsessed!
When I glued plates on rings for my favorite guests
they said their jewels were ruined, they weren’t impressed.

So I decided to bring home a cow, just as a test
she wasn’t happier than my parrot, as you might have guessed.
When I put her on the table she screamed, as possessed
She would kick me any time I’d come slightly near her breasts.

They say use a normal opener, but who needs the quest
so all my keys are broken, this I truly detest.
When I put a note on my fridge there’s gum all over my vest.
Just because I hate real magnets I’m never properly dressed.

But oh there is more: my cold hands make me stressed!
My cassettes are small, my spoon needs a rest,
and actual teeth are really hard to digest.
All of these problems made me lose all zest.

Now that you’ve heard my story, I have a small request
I think I have proved that I need this box more than the rest
So pick me and I’ll scream ”Fred’s the best! The Best!!”
For you’d be saving me from cuckoo’s nest.

----- monom 20.11.08 10:32

I wish those utters came in ‘food grade silicone rubber that can withstand temperatures of -58F to 446F. The matte finish’ would ‘make(s) gripping easy and distribute(s) heat and cold evenly.’ I would consider it to be ‘Versetile and durable’ and my friends woud think of it as ‘an all-around great performer.’ would I go as far as to call it ‘- Dishwasher safe’? who knows, that remains a mystery… (but yeah. i would.)

----- zenius 20.11.08 10:32

Oh man, I’ve been eyeing some of these things for quite a while over at
perpetualkid. I keep thinking to myself if I just got that raise…maybe maybe. Instead, I get to dream about it. Which I’ve gotten pretty used to, it passes the time. I’m gonna be totally envious of the person who wins this packaged deal!

----- TurntheCity aka Ashley 20.11.08 10:29

this new breed of cow is rather fascinating.
rather than its utters dispensing milk down into a bucket,
U add the bucket of milk to its utters, only to dispense of it, upside down.

.. it is everything a cow is not! an unCow! BRILLIANT!

----- mArk 20.11.08 10:23

What did the fish say when it hit the wall?


DAMN. These are udderly cool! And I’m a girl who nose cool.

----- rose 20.11.08 10:22

I LOVE the “Pick Your Nose” cups… what a great, and funny idea!

----- Mario 20.11.08 10:21

that cup looks ‘utter’ly delicious.
who ‘nose’ it might smell better than in tastes~

----- makuh 20.11.08 10:17

How to amuse you people, when I am amused everyday by your products!! Impossible!! I give up. Or actually I don’t! Everytime I see something amusing or super cool on NOTCOT I think to myself: I could’ve thought of that.. And then I say, oh well. Someone beat me to it!

Are you guys hiring by the way???

----- Vanessa Flores 20.11.08 10:16

I’ve got some Key-Monkeys, they’re awesome!

----- Janosch 20.11.08 10:16

perpetual kid is my new favorite online shopping site. I love that cassette bag.

----- Erica 20.11.08 10:13

“Gin & Titonic”
Definitely thought that said “tit-onic” instead of it’s intended pun….

----- Vanessa 20.11.08 10:10

This might be the first time I’ve been got pikcin’ my nose while packing heat!

These products are great! I’m planning on stocking up for holiday gifts.

----- Ali 20.11.08 10:02

OMG, i love it all!

----- J.Young 20.11.08 10:02

SUPER STOKED! the nose cups are so legit! it is definitely a must have!

----- tako 20.11.08 10:00

Sign me up!

----- Jordan 20.11.08 09:50

silly fun!

----- Christina 20.11.08 09:42

I really need those cups, since my nose is redicoulos big i can pick a small nose cover up my real one!

----- julia 20.11.08 09:41

Oh, my! How exciting! I want some, I want some!!

----- Lindsay 20.11.08 09:34

a horse walks into a bar and says ow!
laaaame hahahha

----- ian flanigan 20.11.08 09:31

Wow, This is the coolest, Funniest, and most creative Stuff! The Nose cups are so Rad

----- Terry 20.11.08 09:26

gin and titanic hunh… I know it’s based on a terrible disaster, but my god those are adorable…

----- Alexis 20.11.08 09:23

I can totally see myself running around with one of those Pick Your Nose Cups clamped between my teeth, over my nose at a family dinner…
Also, that tinsel tape is shiny and asking to be stuck to the strangest places.

Random Family Member: ….”Andrea… Why is there tape on the cat???” (..no… I really wouldn’t. I baby her too much.)

…I guess some of us just never grow up.

----- Meep 20.11.08 09:23

Got milk?

----- jayp0411 20.11.08 09:18

Fred & Friends
Friends = Debs
Therefore, Fred & Debs
My name is practically written all over the stuff. =)

----- Debs 20.11.08 08:52

A man called Boris told me about Fred and all the wonderment they possessed, then disappeared into the sidewalk leaving a purple stain

----- Dana Galbraith 20.11.08 08:38

A diner asks her waiter, “Sir, how do you prepare the chicken?”
He looks at her and says, “Well, ma’am, we just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”

----- Cara 20.11.08 08:36

Since I’m done with class for the day, an ABC poem:

A is for Awesome, this pile of stuff,
B is for Bird— it shakes seasonings enough.
C is for Cream from a fabulous jug,
D is for Dentures afloat in a mug.
E is for Excellent, word apropos
F is for Fred and his Friends—great? Fo’ sho’!
G is for Guns, which will warm my cold hands,
H is Hors D’oeuvres, on those great finger stands.
I is for Icebergs, which sink an ice liner,
J is for Jealous of comments deemed finer.
K is for Key which could open a beer,
L is for Lo, how these things could bring cheer!
M is for Magnets like gum on a seat,
N is for Nifty, for nice, and for neat.
O is for One with these things—someone blessed!
P is for Packages, tinsel-ly dressed.
Q is Quintessence of clever, these goods,
R is for Revel in noses, I would(s).
S is for Spoon rest, for keeping things clean,
T is for Tape, a bag great for a teen.
U is for Useful, and this stuff is quite,
V is for Vision—this box is a sight!
W, Wonderful, everything here,
X is (e)Xtraordinary, for these things I cheer.
Y is for Yearning, I look on with want,
And Z is for Zeal, my desire I flaunt!

I spent way too much time on that, but I hope it’s amusing? Anyway, suffice it to say that I think everything on this page is lovely.

----- Liz 20.11.08 08:33

Chim-Chimmeny Chim-Chimmeny Chim-Chroo!

----- sedf45 20.11.08 08:30

“this is udder madness!” said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw, to the deaf dog.

----- misplacedparadox 20.11.08 08:23

01111111001001 010101 001000 111000 0100110 10000000100101
01110111110101 1011101 0011 0001 1111001 011 11100 100100111111101
00111101100110 1111001 0100 111 00100100011010 01 011010000110001011
01011110011111 01101 011 11110001000000 110100111111010001
00111111110011 1000001110010 111 10011110100001 1100 1011001000100001
11001010110101 1010010111101 1101 10101111 000 100110 111011110010011
01101110101011 1101100100000 01111 11011 0010110 0110101001110
11101111010000100010010 001010011 1001 00000110110001111111010
00111100100111001100100 0100101 001 11100011001100101011110000001101
10001010100111010000010 1 10000 1 010 11100101110100000011011011010010
00011110100000000001110 01 1101 00 101 101111000101001011001010
00010101010110011101101 10 11 100 011 00001101001001001010010101100001
01101101010111101110101 010 0 111 010 01010110010000101101001110100010
01000010110101011011101 1111 0110 000 10100110011000011001111

----- Kyle 20.11.08 08:17

Oh my god becky, look at that stuff, it is soo dope,
i mean it looks like one of those hipster giveways.
But, you know, who understands those damn hipsters anyways?

They only talk to you, because,
they think you might be in a band, ‘kay?
I mean, their sunglasses, are just so big.
I can’t believe it’s just so round, it’s like,
out there, I mean - bitchin. Look!
They’re just so …cool?

(lol this is my ode to baby got back hipster style- Love all the gear none the less)

----- K Ace 20.11.08 08:13

Oh my god becky, look at that stuff, it is soo dope,
i mean it looks like one of those hipster giveways.
But, you know, who understands those damn hipsters anyways?

They only talk to you, because,
they think you might be in a band, ‘kay?
I mean, their sunglasses, are just so big.
I can’t believe it’s just so round, it’s like,
out there, I mean - bitchin. Look!
Their just so …cool?

(lol this is my ode baby got back hipster style- Love all the gear non the less)

----- K Ace 20.11.08 08:09

have you ever tried skittle water? when i have a pavlov feeling over skittles i do not prefer to consume the little bits, i like to soak them in a bottle of water, drain, rid of the bits…and drink my skittle water….ish? or delish? dont judge. :)

----- sohail justin akhavein 20.11.08 08:09

oooh freebies!

----- jpv 20.11.08 08:09

I’m scared of bears….this stuff would really help.

----- Matt P 20.11.08 07:56

I wanna squeez that cow’s tits.
I wanna feel the under~~

----- grooveheart 20.11.08 07:55

There’s a ship floating on the Atlantic and the first mate is sitting in the crow’s nest. “Captain,” he calls out, “There’s an enemy ship ahead on the horizon.” The captain says, “Bring me my red shirt!” The first mate was confused, but he went ahead and brought the captain his red shirt. The shipmates and captain waged a bitter battle against their enemies and, in the end, won. Afterwards, the first mate asked, “Sir, why did you ask me to bring you your red shirt?” The captain replied, “I wanted my red shirt because, if I was wounded, no one would be able to see it and all you men will continue fighting bravely.” The first mate thought that this was very noble.

The next day, the first mate was in the crow’s nest again. “Captain, there’s 50 enemy ships on the horizon!” The captain commanded, “Bring me my brown pants!”

Hope you find that amusing!

----- Grace 20.11.08 07:54

Fred and Friends looks like a gang I would want to join. It looks like a lot of really good stuff. Hopefully the initiation is as awesome as their products.

----- Justin 20.11.08 07:50

I welcome Fred and friends with open arms.. them and the udder thing too! :D

----- K0rt 20.11.08 07:48

An old man and a young boy have a donkey and are walking through a town and he puts the boy onto the donkey. Everyone who walks by them complains that the old man should be on the donkey, so he gets on, and takes the boy off. Everyone else who walks by them now complains that the boy should be on the donkey, so the old man gets off, and he and the boy begin to walk. Everyone who passes them by complains that they’re stupid for not using the donkey, so they both get on, and as expected, everyone complained, but for the poor donkey. The old man thought it would be a good to carry the donkey, but unfortunately it fell off of a bridge. The moral of the story is that everyone will complain about your ass no matter what.

(I hope that wasn’t too boring)

----- Danielle S 20.11.08 07:42

What every kitchen is missing the salt and peeper ^_^

----- Tiffany Nelson 20.11.08 07:26

i’m really glad i can read directions…
and in that case, tell you:

what’s red and looks like a bucket?

that’s right! a RED BUCKET!
(now that you’re amused, and have heard the best joke in history, make me the happiest girl in ohio and send me those lovely prizes in that lovely tote!)

----- Melissa 20.11.08 07:22

Fred and I are going to get married.
You will be invited, of course, for introducing us.
I will most likely go down the aisle in nothing, but that fashionable and chic cassette bag.
We will serve milk, instead of champagne, out of the utter pitcher.
I guess you can send me this package.
I will consider considering it a wedding gift.

----- Klaira 20.11.08 07:16

I want to be one of Fred’s friends too!!!

----- rafael 20.11.08 07:15

Dear Notcot,
I have been considering a nose job, almost my whole life. Ever since IT happened. Of course, being a design student from a “humble” family, money is scarce and life does not allow me to have an “acceptable” nose.

I have been looking for less expensive ways to lead a normal life, so I have been wearing a good alternative since i’m 8 years old. Unfortunately, the nose comes with thick fake glasses and a mustache, not good with the ladies.
I think the nose cups would make a great temporary solution to my problem, at least until I become a design super-star. So I ask you to please grant me my wish.
Do not do it for me, do it for the sake of compasion.

----- ourtimes 20.11.08 07:10

You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your friends nose cup!

----- Stacey 20.11.08 07:05

This would be very nice for a Dutch Sinterklaas party :)

----- Dennis 20.11.08 07:03

That Titonic ice tray brings new meaning to “shiver me timbers”… arrrr.

----- chernwei 20.11.08 07:02


----- ed 20.11.08 06:53

This comment is the most amusing.

----- Nigel Sielegar 20.11.08 06:37

OMG FRED! they make the coolest stuff ever! pleassseeeee pick me!

----- ashley 20.11.08 06:30

i bet fred is some womans nickname, so me saying fred is dreamy wouldnt be akward at all… anyways fred can sink my titonic any day… and warm my hands anyday…
and rub my utters anyday…

----- levi montez 20.11.08 06:21

if i manage to sift through the cracks and win this giveaway, i solemenly swear to keep each and every one of those objects from ever becoming a part of carrot top’s standup act. because let’s be honest, not even inanimate objects deserve that.

----- jfung! 20.11.08 06:11

i can’t believe how perfect this collection is. the only thing that would put it over the top would be the addition of bacon. here, let me do it for you:

__ _.._
/—’ ‘-._.’ ‘-._./

----- xue 20.11.08 06:05

What do you call a brown chicken on top of a brown cow?


(Have I won?!!!)

----- Jennie 20.11.08 06:04

yes please!

----- Jacob 20.11.08 05:27

All i need is a cocoa tweed vest & jelly bangles & the whole getup is all good.

Thanks for letting me participate ! Pick me, not my nose ?

----- Kathleen 20.11.08 05:24

i guess putting that gum magnet on my mom’s fridge will be lots of fun :))

----- malina 20.11.08 05:13

I’ve seen those nose cups before, and that udder jug is sweet :D

----- Ryan 20.11.08 04:59

That has got to be one of the best grab bag of gifts that I’ve seen in a good while. Thumbs up to Fred.

----- Mike Rogers 20.11.08 03:53

I hate jokes, just give me that stuff >_

----- Ragondin 20.11.08 03:41

Some of this are both useful and hilarious.

----- PixelRobot 20.11.08 03:30

This stuff is SO adorable! And I’ve never even heard of them!

----- Ali Morris 20.11.08 03:19


There once was an amazing person named fred.
When his(and his friends)stuff ended up on notcot, I said,
I don’t have any money,
but if I lamely attempt to be funny,
I might end up with some stuff to play with as I eat whole wheat bread.

----- wowfredisamazing 20.11.08 03:19

i won’t even try to leave an amusing comment - you guys seem to have a different definiton for that.

----- balazs 20.11.08 02:58

When I cook for my friends and family, they always say it is *peeping* delicious. They always ask for my secret recepy. My secret for those delicious meales is mostly adding some peep-magic, so I point my fingers towards my blunt looking shaker set and they start laughing at me. I bet they will stop laughing at me when I put the birdy there. They’ll probably go like; “Holy *PEEP*, nice!”

----- HoodieFreak 20.11.08 02:51

The cassette tote is masculine and also creative.

The finger food plates are not only pure genius, but incredibly functional, as I have often walked by a cake on the counter, taken a small piece and had nowhere to put it (I never want to get out a large plate for such a small piece, because then you have to clean it). Ultimately I eat half the cake within 2 hours, the small pieces and hopefully these Finger Food plates, will make me feel like I wasnt such a piggy. The small pieces make me feel little!!!! yay I love being in denial!

Those nose cups are also fantastic, but dont give them to me as I will never use them, I would treat them like art and I would likely just put them lined up on a shelf upside down to create a nose mountain range.

----- Kirk 20.11.08 02:51

Cookies need to come in the shape of dragons an knights more often. I’ve seen cookies in the shape of Luke Skywalker, or as he was originally named Luke Starkiller. Why aren’t more cookies shaped like dragons and knights? Imagine baking a delicious set of cookies that were in the shapes of dragons and knights. Once they are baked you could then set up an epic battle scene with your cookies. Of course if you did this I think NOTCOT would certainly have to feature you, but the greatest satisfaction would come from knowing that in a battle between dragons and knights you won, because eventually they all end up in your tum-tum.

----- Shapes of Sweetness 20.11.08 02:44

eso es para miiiiiiiiiii
i can see my name on it.

----- jorge larios 20.11.08 02:33

what have the brevest man done?

he have run through Somalia with a loaf in his hand

----- Gin 20.11.08 02:33

“You can reach in and feel the udders…”

That’s what she said.

----- Ben 20.11.08 02:23

-How big is he?
-He’s so big he cant fit outdoors

----- Gustaf 20.11.08 02:05

those STuck Up Magnets are just too cute! i want! and everything here are perfect stocking stuffers…!

----- Diane Elizabeth S. 20.11.08 02:04

Seems it’s time for a joke..

A duck waddles into a bar and hops on a stool. The bartender, irritated, says, “What’ll you have?”

The duck says, “Got any pickles?”

The bartender spits and says “We don’t have pickles here, We serve drinks. Now get out!”

The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.

The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar, hops on a stool, looks the bartender in the eye and asks, “Got any pickles?”

The bartender, irritated, says, “I told you yesterday we don’t serve pickles here, we serve drinks, now GET OUT!”

The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.

The next days the same duck waddles into the same bar and hops on a stool, looks at the bartender, and asks: “Got any pickles?”

The bartender, infuriated, POUNDS his fist on the bar and yells at the duck. “I told you two times we don’t serve pickles here, we serve drinks! If you ask me ONE MORE TIME, I’m going to nail your beak to the bar! NOW GET OUT!”

With that the duck shrugged, hopped off the stool, and waddled out.

The next day, the same duck waddled into the same bar, hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and asked: “Got any nails?”

The bartender, puzzled, said “No.”

The duck then looked him square in the eye and said, “Got any pickles?”

Thank you!

----- Benjamin A. Wendelboe 20.11.08 01:51


Megga partytastic!!

----- Chrs Sand 20.11.08 01:50

That dairy creamer reminds me of an actual entry from my diary:

Note to self: you just drank a quarter gallon of milk. Yeah.”

What can I say? I just love my milk…

----- Haley 20.11.08 01:37


When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

----- m3000 20.11.08 01:32

The Cassette Bag….Must have!

----- m3000 20.11.08 01:19

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