*notcot in gratis , 09:09

Holiday Giveaway #17: Fred- 12.10.10

19-fred.jpg It’s holiday season here at NOTCOT, and we’re doing our annual Gift Guides, Coupons and Giveaways! Just our little way of giving a big hug to awesome brands and readers as we close out 2010!

UPDATE: Congrats to Sara in San Antonio, TX!

NOTCOT Holiday Giveaway #17 is here ~ and today our friends from Fred are once again giving one lucky reader: a SUPER FUN Fred Pack containing: Handlebar wine opener, Ninjabread Men Cookie Cutters, Beat It! Drumstick Chopsticks, Tea Cupcakes Silicone Molds, Equal Measure Cup, Salt & Peeper, Brain Freeze Ice Molds, Birds on a Wire paperclips, M-Cups Matryoshka Measuring Cups, and Flora Silicone Spoon and Spatula. Phew* that’s some bundle they’ve put together to really brighten up your kitchen! And of course, it is all as functional as it is fun! See details on the next pic!!!

For a chance to win, leave a comment by midnight on Dec 14th (PST) ~ sharing something fun to make all the commenters to come after you smile!

fred1.jpg Handlebar wine opener

fred2.jpg Ninjabread Men Cookie Cutters

fred3.jpg Beat It! Drumstick Chopsticks

fred4.jpg Tea Cupcakes Silicone Molds

fred5.jpg Equal Measure Cup

fred6.jpg Salt & Peeper

fred7.jpg Brain Freeze Ice Molds

fred8.jpg Birds on a Wire paperclips

fred9.jpg M-Cups Matryoshka Measuring Cups

fred10.jpg Flora Silicone Spoon and Spatula

For a chance to win a Fred Pack containing: Handlebar wine opener, Ninjabread Men Cookie Cutters, Beat It! Drumstick Chopsticks, Tea Cupcakes Silicone Molds, Equal Measure Cup, Salt & Peeper, Brain Freeze Ice Molds, Birds on a Wire paperclips, M-Cups Matryoshka Measuring Cups, and Flora Silicone Spoon and Spatula. , leave a comment by midnight on Dec 14th (PST) ~ sharing something fun to make all the commenters to come after you smile!

And check out the rest of our 2010 Gift Guides, Coupons and Giveaways! Happy Holidays!

Tags: -

346 Notes

Should I be careful of these things turning blue and evil and then taking over my kitchen??? #Buffy

----- Faern 15.12.10 00:00

I bet you can’t laugh without smiling.

----- Michelle K. 14.12.10 23:29


----- val 14.12.10 23:21

tai hao le! sooo good!

----- Jeremy 14.12.10 22:30

I’d love a little Fred flare for the holidays!

----- Leanna 14.12.10 22:21

I want it all! Each item is better then the last. I didn’t get a google notebook so can’t I win this, plz?

----- Slave 14.12.10 22:18

This Fred stuff could not be any cuter!
no, i’m not going to write a poem or anything,
but the thought of winning any of these adorable items is totally distracting me from all the studying I need to do for my finals next week.
love it!!

----- Sydney 14.12.10 22:01

so… seems like the ninja bread men are the crowd favorite. this giveaway could be the gift that keeps giving. As much as i LOVE these fantastically creative culinary treasures… I would LOVE to share the wealth with friends.

what would YOU do if you got an anonymous handlebar mustache wine key in the mail?!? obviously you would host a mustache wine party.

the gifts that keep giving :)

----- Karen Marie Pringle 14.12.10 21:02

War is over! Merry Christmas!

----- Darcy Parrish 14.12.10 20:59

I want to be able to drink cupcakes =)

----- Peter otis 14.12.10 20:36

What did one snowman say to another snowman?

“Do you smell carrots?”

----- gretchen 14.12.10 20:25

AND - those brain ice cubes will put me in touch with my inner zombie. That is something I’ve always wanted to do.

----- Melissa Osborn 14.12.10 20:13

I want want want those ninjabread men! Well, and the other stuff, too. The measuring cup will make me feel smarter every time I use it, and the wine opener will make me look good with a mustache. But, I don’t think I can eat cookies without those ninjabread men cookie cutters.

----- Melissa Osborn 14.12.10 20:11


(^smiling is contagious, like yawns.)

----- Grace.L 14.12.10 20:06

What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice Belt.

----- Sara Blake 14.12.10 20:05

Sending everyone positive vibes! Love the Fred flare stutf! Ninja bread cookies are my fave! Happy holidays

----- Shaena Cooper 14.12.10 19:45

that feeling of simple happiness that’s more than often inexplicable both in nature and in origin — you know the one. It’s when you’re walking down to pick up the mail and you feel a goofy smile etched on your face and a slight spring in your step, because it doesn’t matter where you’re going or what’s going to happen, in that moment you’re just simply happy. It may have been because you overheard someone say something nice about you or because a really good song came on the radio just as you turned it on and maybe it’s because you woke up and realized it was saturday and you can stay in bed. It’s the simple things the ones that produce the greater happiness most of the time. So my comment goes to that happiness that comes from the oddest of places.

----- Samantha Sanchez 14.12.10 19:40

Considering where I’m from, I had no inkling of who is(or what is) Fred? But when I’ve got my eyes on those boomshakalakabombastik items, Fred is totally the man! XD

----- Diana Karanina 14.12.10 19:39

All I’m getting for Christmas is cold hard cash - Five bucks frozen in a block of ice; so this would be a lovely surprise for me to receive!!! :)

----- Catrina Murray 14.12.10 19:39

“Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.”

----- Katie 14.12.10 19:35

What I find most interesting about these items isn’t how elegant or crazy they are, but how simple they are, how practical they are, and how aesthetically pleasing they are. Proof of concept that you don’t need to sacrifice functionality to have something that looks nice.

----- Ivan Kowalenko 14.12.10 19:34

I had a pet frog that choked on a cricket. He was laying upside down on his little frog beach with the cricket hanging out of his mouth. DEAD.

sad and funny.

----- kristin 14.12.10 19:32

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”

----- J Alexander 14.12.10 19:06

Not quite sure what clock NOTCOT uses but as it is still before midnight for me, I’ll tell anyone after me to youtube “Ducks blown off their feet by the wind” for a quick, and harmless giggle. Something about the chicks rolling is adorable! Oh and also the fact that astronauts actually enjoy watching pee being ejected into space, because the way the sun hits the droplets is actually very beautiful. :P

----- Ayla 14.12.10 17:48

Cats + Laser pointers = FUN

----- Ruby 14.12.10 17:45

Christmas Spirit is in the air, Our Tree is up, Our angel is there, our coco mugs filled, the fire burning, Our hearts Good willed, feel that Christmas yearning. Snow Forecasted according to dad, presents to be wrapped, We are so glad. To our Friends and Family out West, and the ones who live near, we wish you the Best- Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

----- Laura 14.12.10 16:41

Could really use those ninjabread cookie cutters to complete my Chinese themed ginger bread house idea for a gingerbread house making competition

----- Jason Kole 14.12.10 16:34

My brother wrote a song for his band The Sentimental Favorites (check them out, Providence, 12/18!) - titled “Christmas at the Roelle’s”:
Egg egg eggnog in the mus mus mustache of my fa fa father is funny ha ha ha ha.

----- Aprille 14.12.10 15:17

Never thought I’d ever called a mustache cute. Or even useful!

----- Khanh 14.12.10 15:16

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic!

Merry Christmas!

----- Michal 14.12.10 15:03

LOVE LOVE LOVE FRED! i have the jeweled ice cubes

----- angela 14.12.10 15:03

so much fun here :)
happy holidays

----- keri 14.12.10 12:55

I gave up my seat on the train today to someone who looked tired and like they needed it more than me. I hope that, if you need a seat or a hug or a hot cup of coffee sometime, someone offers you one.

----- brett 14.12.10 12:44

We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.

----- nicole 14.12.10 12:38

I almost wish I had a dog named Fred. Too bad my name isn’t Fred…

----- Christina 14.12.10 12:24

I have a dog who’s name is not Fred.


Twice in the past week, we have found human hairs sticking out of his butthole. He must have eaten them.

It’s a bit yucky, but it sure made us smile.

----- Zoë Cullie 14.12.10 10:17

ninja bread men, leaf bowl scrapers, mustache wine opener… these are really cool things, i want a present this year, it’d be nice… thank you

----- Sky 14.12.10 08:53

Q: Do y’all know the plural form of y’all?
A: All y’all.

----- Adam Edwards 14.12.10 08:42

So this isn’t a joke, just a link that’s been amusing me endlessly lately: http://kimjongillookingatthings.tumblr.com/

----- Jeremy 14.12.10 07:14

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then
when you do criticize that person, you’ll be a mile away and
have his shoes.

----- Luuk Langenhoff 14.12.10 07:02

My friend Melissa Morris Ivone was recently awarded $2,500 for her efforts in spreading nice behavior via her site Operation Nice. It’s a fun site with lots of good ideas. Check it out! http://www.operationnice.com/

----- Bruce 14.12.10 06:15

Well, I bought some fred paper cups a while back for a party, the had some noses printed on them, and everybody loved them. They felt guilty when they threw them away because they were so awesome. I’d really like some more stuff the spice up my parties.

----- francisco 14.12.10 05:48

Everyone forgets to remember the good things about people. Take a second to remember them and appreciate all of the amazing people around you as well as remembering how awesome you are.

----- Ann Allen 14.12.10 02:00

Ever wake up with a pair of jeggings on after a long night of drinking?

Bitch, you been JEGGED!

----- Kristine Allen <3 14.12.10 01:56

A child tells his mother, “Mom I’m gonna win you a turkey” the mom then asks, “Child how are you gonna win me a turkey?”
The child says, ” well they’re having a contest out behind the hardware store and the person with the biggest peeter wins a turkey.” The mom then says, ” boy I don’t want you pulling out all your peeter in front of all them people.” the child replies, ” mother I’m not gonna pull it all out just enough to win the turkey.” lol
Happy holidays to all especially to NOTCOT !!!!

----- David 14.12.10 01:15

one grain of sand to the other grain of sand: ” psssst….don’t look now, but I think we’re sorrounded!” (I know…it isn’t funny….but so CUTE!)

----- Grace 14.12.10 00:59

Stop it! Stop it! These posts are getting silly!
I will not let it get silly.

Where are you, Graham Chapman, when we need you?

----- Roy 14.12.10 00:55

oh how i love thee, fred. keeping my fingers crossed.

----- bbrand 13.12.10 23:26

LOVE Fred! From the blown glass ‘half pint’ to the funny face plates this crackerjack design team always finds the perfect mix of function and funny.

----- Robert Mahar 13.12.10 22:54

I’m in love!

----- Jeremy 13.12.10 19:51

I NEED those ninjabread man cookie cutters! I know so many ninjas and the only way to keep them from sneaking up and attacking you is to give them cookies. That and play Kung Fu Fighting.

----- Leah 13.12.10 19:35

I can’t believe I’ve not seen thoes ninjia cookie cutters before!

----- Dawn 13.12.10 19:25

Love your stuff and want more!

----- Glenn 13.12.10 19:05

an equal measure of brain freeze

----- Paulie 13.12.10 18:26

I have two little girls, 3 and 2. The youngest has a slight lisp and at times I will ask the oldest what her younger sister said. I suppose she got tired of this as the last time I ask she said “I’m not your interpreter.”

----- Mommy2Bears 13.12.10 18:19

If I win, I’ll make everyone Ninja Cookies. Really!

----- Christina Ward 13.12.10 18:02

whenever i am down because i realize my life is in disarray because i didn’t get my master’s degree before getting married and reproducing, or how my marriage is crumbling, or how my children will undoubtedly carry some remnants from their less-than-ideal childhoods into their future relationships and need counseling like i do, i pull out some jolly household goods from good ol’ Fred and Friends and remember to be cheery because at least we kept it fun and unconventional.

----- myro 13.12.10 17:41

One time my dad farted, and my little sister ran out of the room crying. Average day.

----- Elizabeth 13.12.10 16:44

got into Fred after my friend got me the Murder Note Pad. been hooked ever since.

----- Brandon 13.12.10 16:30

Life is too short to have dull kitchen accessories. Fred to the rescue!

----- Jujubes 13.12.10 16:23

we jsut got our first christmas tree for our first house for the first time wei’ll actually be together for christmas (5yrs in to the relationship) and i can’t wait to see how it holds up to three 16.6lb SPASTICATS!

----- somerset 13.12.10 16:10

You know, if I were to die right now, in some sort of fiery explosion due to the carelessness of a friend…well, that would just be ok. Whew! It’s a good thing that was only a sea bear, this dirt circle would never protect us against a sea rhinoserous.

----- Petra 13.12.10 16:01

What, you want me to think in order to win a prize? I can’t mindlessly click on Auto-fill and continue to browse on Fred’s site and figure out what to get my great-aunt’s third husband’s nephew for Christmas—thus enabling me to procrastinate in doing the work which in olden days would be piling up and off my desk, but now just fills my e-mail In Box. I don’t want to think. Geez. I guess I wrote a comment. Merry Holidays and a bright New Year!

----- Erin 13.12.10 16:00

Long live Fred & Friends!

----- Rebecca 13.12.10 15:52

I’m going to try to use “The Secret” to win this thing. I really hope it works like they say it does ;)

----- Melissa 13.12.10 15:21

Is Fred single? If not, where can I get one?

----- Sarha 13.12.10 15:06

Oooooooh badassness - and this is coming from the ORIGINAL Megan Fox… Muahahahaha! Also, I don’t ever win anything so…. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!

----- Megan Fox 13.12.10 14:48

Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
Wife: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. Where’s the car?”
Wife: “In the swimming pool.”

----- Rachel P 13.12.10 14:26

I’m so nervous about this. You know, winning/not winning. I hope I do — there will be beer and high-fives. Yet anxious. And surprisingly, I haven’t gone to the bathroom once.

----- Paul 13.12.10 14:25

i enjoyed stabbing my voodoo doll toothpick holder all 50 times to fill him up. he didnt move much during the process. he has a high tolerance for pain.

----- fangvang 13.12.10 14:25

Almost witty story: I live in Minneapolis and we just got hit with 18 inches of snow. This morning a local radio station was asking people to call in to share their OMG stories from the blizzard (Did your roof cave in, did you have to give birth in the living room ‘cause you were snowed in, etc.” My 13-year-old daughter sarcastically suggested that we call in and say, “After the blizzard we shovelled a path through the yard for the mailman. We found the mailman.”

----- Jessica Roddy 13.12.10 14:23

What comes before part B? -Part AAAYYYY [add raise the roof gesture]

----- mipakr 13.12.10 14:22

i want this! i want this! i want this!

----- Amanda 13.12.10 14:20

I love Fred and Friends!!!! I have six of your FROZEN SMILES ice-trays…and it has been a HIT with my buds. THOSE MATROYSHKA MEASURING CUPS ARE TO DIE FOR.

----- Hana Yoon 13.12.10 14:17

Sweet deal!

----- Holly 13.12.10 14:12

..I recently purchased the “Beat It” chopsticks for my friend for Christmas; but have yet to wrap them because I want them for myself! Hmm, who really needs that many sets of chopsticks…. maybe I can just split the package up?! (or maybe I’ll win this Giveaway and we both win then!) Happy Holidays, either way! heh 0;).

----- Karen H. 13.12.10 13:57

This is the best holiday give away ever. :D

----- KK Cerridwen 13.12.10 13:53

Hey Fred…I’m one of your BEST friends……..truly!

----- Val Anne Welch 13.12.10 13:52

I am in LOVE with this line!! I wish I had a kitchen FULL of it!!

----- Paige Sowell 13.12.10 13:51

Gimme Gimme! I need Fred for Christmas!!!

----- Charlie 13.12.10 13:49

wow… i don’t know about everyone after, but everyone before did so well… Congrats!

----- goo 13.12.10 13:22

yes please!

----- Melanie 13.12.10 10:59


please please please
giga pudding!
youtube it, you will love it!

----- Karan 13.12.10 10:23

Ninjabread men!!!!

----- anna 13.12.10 09:55

Can you say stocking stuffers for Christmas 2011. Well, some of them anyway. :-)

----- Mike 13.12.10 08:44

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

An obscure amout you’ve never heard of.

----- alison 13.12.10 07:28

The Flora Silicone Spoon and Spatula would make a fun new bedroom toy :).

----- Wolfie 13.12.10 07:19

Every morning on the tree outside my tiny downtown apartment I have three little fluffy starlings that puff themselves out in the sun and chirp ever so nicely. So cute. Like a little bit of nature in the city.

----- Jane 13.12.10 07:00

Google “melted snowman cookies”
Nothing brings a smile to my face like digging into a batch of sugar cookies with this very “Farside” theme. Gary Larson would be proud!!!

----- bbates 13.12.10 06:55

A skeleton walks in to a bar and says, “I’m thirsty. Give me a beer and a mop.”

----- laura 13.12.10 06:54

Going out for a meal of sushi in London is a really expensive way to starve. :)

----- Meredith KB 13.12.10 06:49

Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it. :)

----- Ashley 13.12.10 05:12

This give away makes me hungry!

----- Gabriel G 13.12.10 02:42

Not so long ago,In a land not so far far away,
There lived a great man named Fred,
famous for his handlebar moustache and his big round head.
Kicking ass together with his friends fresh from the oven,
Who you gonna call? The Ninjabread Men!
Armed with drums, wit, chop, and sticks,
Shouting out, “hi-yaAh! 1, 2 & 3, Beat it!”
Now it’s time for an afternoon break,
Eat some, drink some Tea cupcake,
Equal Measure for one and all,
A dash of Salt & Peeper for the egg roll,
Oops! they got Brain freeze,
They ate too much ice that they couldn’t squeeze.
Up high they see Birds on a wire,
Wait a minute! the roof is on fire!
Goodness gracious! Matroshyka!
Get the M-cups and call Flora!
Who? What? The Silicone Spoon and Spatula?!
Oh, just call the fire station, call the cops,
And nevermind the bollocks!

----- Nine 13.12.10 02:01

Everyone above this line is my friend :)
Everyone below this line is my friend :)

----- Terrance 13.12.10 01:55

dad jokes!

Q: what do you call a fish with three eyes?
A: fiiish

it’s more adorable when an old man is saying it.

----- emily 13.12.10 01:11


----- Hoister 13.12.10 00:10

A few lines from our Quote of the Day “project”—-

“Mexican toilet paper? I bet that would be fun.”

“I wish stupid people wouldn’t talk so slow.”

“If you have a door, you don’t have a nook.”

----- Alisa 12.12.10 22:16

Fred’s dead baby…

----- EJ Sherman 12.12.10 20:46

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: “We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day! “

----- Joanne 12.12.10 20:20

Holiday limerick:
There was a young reindeer named Nate
Who at Christmas would procrastinate
“I’ll buy presents tomorrow,”
He’d say, to his sorrow,
for Christmas by Easter’s too late

----- Margaret 12.12.10 20:15

Two muffins are in an oven…
The first turns and says ” hey, it’s getting hot in here…”
The second screams, “ahhhhh! It’s a talking muffin!”

----- Natalie kay 12.12.10 20:07

You know that guy that got his whole left side cut off?
He was all right.

----- Eung Ray 12.12.10 19:53

Picture this in your head:
You just got an e-mail from Notcot stating that you just won the Fred giveaway.



----- Gary 12.12.10 19:49

My little cousin spent the day with me. He is 4 and we hung out making food and talking.
I decided to show him how to make weird toast experiments (grilled cheese, egg in a toast, peanut butter and banana. Finally I showed him the Virgin Mary stamp to make Holy Toast that Fred made.
His parents came to pick him up and as I came back from the door he had stamped the entire loaf.
I had holy toast every day for the next week.

----- Shaan S 12.12.10 19:44

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar, one of them stops suddenly in the doorway and exclaims, “Oh my goodness. I think I just lost an electron!” The second, shocked, says “Are you sure?!?” The first says, “Yes! I’m POSITIVE!”

----- Cole 12.12.10 19:35

The cutest riddle the world has ever heard,
what’s red and looks like a bucket?

…A red bucket.
What blue and looks like a bucket?

…A red bucket in disguise!!!

----- Maureen 12.12.10 19:26

“A True Friend Stabs You In The Front.” :)

----- Lacey 12.12.10 19:20

Well I just participated in Movember (woot!), so the handlebar mustache bottle opener would be AMAZING! Ninja cookies ftw!

----- Jordan K 12.12.10 18:55

Cat vs Internet: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/cat_vs_internet
The Oatmeal is an ab workout from laughing.

----- Susan Kelley 12.12.10 17:51

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer’s hoof.

As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, “You know, I think you’re the first reindeer I’ve ever seen in here.”

The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said, “Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I’m the last reindeer you’ll see in here.”

----- jay p 12.12.10 17:27

On a hot summer day, had a blast of a time at an amusement park with my family. When everyone was exhausted, drove my Mom and my brother’s wife to a local supermarket to stock up on ice-cream and refreshments. Mom had forgotten her wallet, so I gave her a single bill for a round amount. Time goes on, the sun is scorching, I start whining about women and shopping. To which my 6 year old daughter replies: “I you’d been a smarter man, you wouldn’t have given them so much money”.

----- Agirs 12.12.10 17:05

Hearty baby belly laughs. You can’t not smile hearing a good one.

----- reva skie 12.12.10 16:34

oh, snap. its onomatopoeia

----- kate 12.12.10 16:13

If Milli Vanilli fell in the forrest, would someone else make a sound?

----- Justin 12.12.10 15:52

I love this stuff!!!
Ok, dudes in speedos.

----- JB 12.12.10 15:30

Did you hear that they’ve brought out a portable stereo which looks like a big chocolate cake?

It’s called a gateaux blaster.

----- Kelly Fowler 12.12.10 15:15


…no? Darn it.

----- Jan 12.12.10 15:00

(Read aloud)

What is the one foot disease that could destroy the world?


----- Elaine 12.12.10 14:45

What’s not to smile about? I’m happy for whoever wins these great gifts!

----- eab 12.12.10 14:35

What did the sick cookie say to the other cookie?

“I feel crumby.”


----- Gina 12.12.10 14:14

Just spent about fifteen minutes making an ASCII kitten drawing and can’t get it to post with the necessary spaces. Bah!

----- Meghan 12.12.10 13:29

I would never tell him this, but having a cup of coffee with my boyfriend in the morning is the best part of my day XD

----- mia 12.12.10 11:59


----- Bili regev 12.12.10 11:39

I thought I’d share something from Scrubs, one of my favourite TV shows!

Dr. Cox: Would you stay? And watch the game with me? Maybe have a slice of pizza?

J.D.: Of course I will.

Dr. Cox: I can braid your hair. I know the couch isn’t very deep, but we could move the back cushion and spoon. (Addressing his friends who have just walked in the door) Hey you guys, what do you say? Beer and chips in the back. (Turning back to J.D.) Just ignore them, and would you tell me the answer to this question: Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?

----- Mari Baquir 12.12.10 11:39

Pie Fight!! —-=======[}

----- Jen 12.12.10 11:24

Name six animals that specifically live in the Arctic:
2 polar bears, 4 seals

Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom

What happens during puberty to a boy?
He says goodbye to his childhood and enters adultery

----- Marshal 12.12.10 11:06

when one is only getting 4 hours sleep every night (blame the kids) the world begins to take on a strange edge, sort of like the weird twitch i get after too many espressos… hmmm, is that the sleep deprivation or the caffeine talking?

----- bailey 12.12.10 11:04

Lasers! What’s more fun than that?

----- Sandy 12.12.10 10:11

my cat as he kisses on the mouth to wake me up in the morning. cutest and funniest thing.

----- Stav (which means 'autumn') 12.12.10 09:36

Fred and his friends are sitting here havin’ fun…
Got so much work to do before the day is done…

Gonna wax my face, or rather remove a waxy cork…
Hold on that, I’m gonna eat dinner with my beard fork…

I’m baking cookies in shapes that hurt ouchie ow…
Better keep them vegan so the cookies don’t kill a cow…

I gotta beat on my rice, it’s actually very nice…
Make the cymbal the steam and you have a drum kit that should suffice…

I’m gonna don on some gloves and make some cupcake tea…
Who needs to wear pants when you’re wearing gloves seriously…

I have a recipe that asks for the volume of a diseased big toe…
Now I can bake weed brownies cause I’m in the know…

I make my pet bird Fred, throw up on my undercooked eggs…
A bird in the hand is worth avoiding salmonella…

I need to treat my headache, forget the tylenol and excedrine…
Drink some scotch on these symbolcis, pain’s gone, win win…

My crops outside are being eaten by some wafer thin worms…
I’ll sick these paperclips on them, and they’ll be ridden for perms…

My girlfriend wears an M-Cup, I think I’ll give these Matryoshka’s to her…
If they were Babushka dolls, I’d keep them for myself as it were…

Finally, I have to put on lipstick and pretend to be an herbavore…
Wait a second, that’s silicone, I meant siliconivore…

Fred and his friends are sitting here havin’ fun…
Now it’s time for bed, sweet dreams wondering if I’ve won…

p.s. why are so many notcot fans farting? seriously, chew with your mouth closed it helps.

----- Danno H 12.12.10 09:08

This pirate walks in to a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch.

Bartender asks, ‘Why do you have a driving wheel on your crotch?’

Pirate says ‘Aaaaar, I dunno, but it’s driving me NUTS!’

----- Aaron 12.12.10 08:51

What kind of jeans does Mario and Luigi wear?

Denim denim denim


----- Jasper 12.12.10 08:03

My favorite tongue twister, courtesy of my dear Grandad: She slits a sheet, a sheet she slits, and on that slitted sheet she sits.

----- melli 12.12.10 07:21

Two apples were in a tree and one apple said “oh no! I’m falling!!” and the other apple said “oh my gosh! It’s a talking apple!!”

----- Kailyn 12.12.10 06:57

So there were these two penguins on an ice floe…

----- Marie 12.12.10 05:51


“Funny Prank in Japan” - unsuspecting victims are chased by a huge number of Japanese people to see how they will react.

This made me laugh a lot :)

----- krisella 12.12.10 03:36

haha.. love the handlebar opener..

it reminded me of this funny little poster/saying - hope it makes you smile like it did me :) http://pinterest.com/pin/1874144/

----- Fonda LaShay 12.12.10 02:57

Why has no one included a pair of travel-sized whisky bottles with every set of Christmas light? Just asking.

----- Don Taylor 12.12.10 00:54

-Why are elephants so wrinkled?
-Did you ever try to iron one?

Bah, dum, bah!

----- Kate S 11.12.10 22:40

My friend had to cut a random girl out of her trousers. She really had to pee.

----- michelle 11.12.10 22:33

Penguins waddle when they walk, and when I was a kid I thought it was because they were wind-up toys.

----- Roger Penguino 11.12.10 21:54

There were two muffins in an oven, and one muffin says to the other muffin,
“Gee, it’s hot in here”
and the other one says,
“Gee, a talking muffin.”

----- Clementine 11.12.10 21:49

i’m not funny, but i want ninja cookies

----- mine 11.12.10 21:31

Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… Cute Kittens… CUTE KITTENS!!!

----- Justin R 11.12.10 21:26

Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?

Think about it?

----- johng 11.12.10 20:43

2 bananas are sitting on the side of the river. A piece of shit goes floating by and yells, “Hey bananas, jump in the water’s perfect!”. One banana looks at the other and says, “You believe that shit?”.

----- Jeremy 11.12.10 20:32

Haikus are easy
but sometimes they don’t make sense

----- Kylie 11.12.10 20:25

Fred is my life. My inspiration. My mother.

----- Shawn 11.12.10 20:22

----- Natalie Evans 11.12.10 20:08

love love love FRED, smile it’s christmas

----- Hollie Rollins 11.12.10 19:50

What is the difference between a snowman & a snowwoman?


----- Yoshio 11.12.10 19:35

A friend of mine in a recent chat:
“In fourth grade I thought boys had cooties. I still do, but now they’re called STD’s”

----- Danielle 11.12.10 18:57

Is it just me or do my balls itch?

----- Rachael 11.12.10 18:52

What’s green and bounces around the garden?
A spring onion!

----- Rachel 11.12.10 18:30

Think seriously: what if you win this bundle?
Now I guess you are smiling.

----- Luca 11.12.10 18:14

insert something funny and witty in order to win.

----- ORESTIS 11.12.10 18:07


----- ioana 11.12.10 18:01

on IMDb the ratings are usually shown as #/10 but the rating for Spinal Tap goes to 11.

----- Allie 11.12.10 18:00

Remember, this holiday season, a severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer!

----- Angie 11.12.10 17:48

My son is 3 and says “Very Christmas” instead of “Merry Christmas”. He also says “Jesus Chwist”,but it’s not as cute. Funny, but not cute. ;)

----- Courtney Zepeda-Hawkes 11.12.10 17:47

I don’t think anyone has topped the comment Maria Lara made on 10.12.10 at 09:34. So I’ll just take a bit of her advice and post my version:

----- Lisa 11.12.10 17:43

how about my two favorite jokes?
what do you get when you put a bomb in a french bathroom?

linoleum blowaparte!

what does carl marx put on his pasta?

communist manipesto!

----- Courtney 11.12.10 17:28

:. :.
:. :.
:. :.
:. :.

(Santa’s Reindeer)

----- Darrel 11.12.10 17:07

“my heart is like a taco-stand, and your love is like a health inspector from Zurich” - Tom Robbins

I need ninja-bread men!

----- Phillip 11.12.10 12:10

1000 sweet corn kernels>

----- greyson 11.12.10 11:57

Happy Holidays!

----- Erwin John Labra 11.12.10 11:17

Smiling is contagious so let’s see how this works :-)

----- justin 11.12.10 11:02

puppies wearing argyle sweaters

----- Matthimself 11.12.10 10:49

“I do not like them
in a house.
I do not like them
with a mouse.
I do not like them
here or there.
I do not like them
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.”

----- Holly 11.12.10 10:47

why do seagulls live by the sea?
because if they lived by the bay they’d be called bay-gulls. :)

----- genie 11.12.10 10:44

Why don’t you shower with Pokemon?

because they’ll Pikachu!

----- Sandy 11.12.10 10:38

…Please believe me, Santa please! Please and thank you, I’ve practically been an angel.

----- Parker Jacobs 11.12.10 09:44

In Japan, Jersey Shore is known as “Macaroni Rascals.”

----- Julianne Rae 11.12.10 09:44

“Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
~The Little Prince

----- Megan 11.12.10 09:33

“may the schwartz be with you” -spaceballs

----- Maya 11.12.10 09:21

Our little 5-year old (the Bee) told a real joke last week—

the Bee: “Guess what? I know a joke!”
me: “Okay-Tell it to me.”
the Bee: “What’s red and bad for your teeth?”
me: “Umm… I don’t know. What IS red and bad for your teeth?”
the Bee: “A brick.”

He loves ninjas-I’d love to make him ninja cookies kicking a red gingerbread brick wall!

----- jacqueline 11.12.10 09:15

Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?

----- Beatriz 11.12.10 07:51

Since a lot of these goodies have to do with food, here’s a food-related fun fact: did you know that the microwave was invented after a scientist walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket?

----- Sara 11.12.10 07:48

Q. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.


----- Camila F. 11.12.10 07:08

I’ve been virtually introduced to so many wonderful things by notcot - some first hand Fred would be a welcome addition.

----- David 11.12.10 06:25

I vote for Quinn. Roberto…that’s funny.

----- Scott B 11.12.10 06:23

I just wanta eat all day long, eat eat eat while I sing this song, eat cause it tastes so good. Eat up the neighborhood.

----- Laura Perryman 11.12.10 04:43

A personal story of the true Christmas Spirit:

I’m studying in England right now and have been away from home since September. Before I was able to open a bank account here, I was using my U.S. debit card to make purchases. I was at the grocery store with my roommate, waiting in line to checkout, when I realized I didn’t have enough cash on me to make the purchase. I ran out to the ATM to withdraw some, but the machine ate my card. I had no other form of money on me and it was during my first week of being abroad, so I had a slight mental breakdown in the store and started to cry because I wouldn’t be able to afford to buy groceries and had nothing to eat. I was completely embarrassed and didn’t know what to do.

Not only did my roommate—a person whom I’d just met a few days prior—offer to help me pay for my stuff, but, while I was sitting on the floor crying, a totally random stranger walked up to me and offered me money. Later, when I got home, my landlords even offered to lend me £100.

I truly feel blessed to be around such excellent people who embody the true spirit and meaning of Christmas.

----- Lelia 11.12.10 04:37

once i was riding a bike with a friend in front of me, she suddenly stopped for no reason and i had a big jump in front of my bike.. ruining on the street.. i was wearing a dress with a wide skirt, it was summer.. so i let you imagine: BIG UPSKIRT in front of everyone!

----- Marieke 11.12.10 04:03

a funny work story: so first thing, clenched fist to all my working class homies with degrees and other such nonsense under their belts …

work at a lovely pub … we have this random competition where when we place our orders we use the modification option to write prose lol.

there is a space on the fridge for the best written modifications where they save these bills and display them with pride. prize winner this week:

add cheese
add mushrooms
for Kat
kinda chubby
girl downstairs
talks too much
needs a date
daddy issues
wants you to like her

and so on …and Kat was the one who wrote it. A lovely lady with an awesome sense of humor.

----- lish 11.12.10 03:40

The ninja cutters will definitely be a kick and punch with the kids.

----- Alan 11.12.10 03:23

What do you call a cross between an elephant and a rhinoceros?

An elephino! (pronounced: ‘ell-if-I-know)

----- Matt 11.12.10 02:21

Dear Santa- all i want for Christmas is ninjabread men cookie cutters

----- Jennifer 11.12.10 01:58

This is me in a nutshell: Help I’m stuck in a nutshell!

----- Jake Sepulveda 11.12.10 00:41

puppies? kitten? rainbowwww? SHOW ME YOUR TEETH!

----- Kenny Garcia 11.12.10 00:39

i would set up those measuring cups like bowling pins and roll a brain-shaped ice cube at them.

----- rich 10.12.10 23:34

I have been dying to get get a set of cookie cutters I really really like, and I think those ninjas might juuuust be perfect for my kitchen.
I’m not much of a jokester but the doodle is cute enough to make anyone smile ;) http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/hold.gif

----- Olivia Chin 10.12.10 22:52

I made it through finals with some cheerleading (and proofreading) from my classmates. So lucky to have a cohort like this.

----- Sarah 10.12.10 22:18

“People from New York are called New Yorkers. Are people from Hamburg called Hamburgers?”

corny lol, but happy holidays everyone from nyc!

----- Melissa 10.12.10 21:53

You can’t wrap love in a box, but you can wrap a person in a hug.

----- neonsocks 10.12.10 20:54


Zombie Kirby.

----- Vivien 10.12.10 20:45


----- Ling 10.12.10 20:38

That girl that commented that she was farting right now totally stole my idea.

----- Carlo 10.12.10 20:38

my cats breath smells like cat food.

----- Audrey R 10.12.10 20:33

I teach 5th grade so I’ve been reading up on kids lit. The most fun book I’ve read so far is called “The Name of This Book is Secret”, and the whole conceit is that the narrator is trying not to tell the story because it’s too dangerous, but it’s so good he can’t help but tell everything! Very entertaining and fun.

----- becky 10.12.10 20:21

We’d all have a party! I’d imagine all of these things would be perfect at some sort of mixer. You know you would need a lot of great statement pieces, and all of these are perfect! You know I would throw a party for all the NOTCOT’ers if I won.

(Then again, I’m a 19 year old kid living in a three bedroom apartment with 6 people… Maybe having a party wouldn’t be such a great idea… lol)

----- Victor 10.12.10 20:15

Those ninja cookie cutters are so cute.

----- Elsa 10.12.10 20:13


----- Maia 10.12.10 19:46

’( *(oo)* )`
m m


----- dan 10.12.10 19:43

I am obsessed with these measuring cups. Ob.sessed.

----- Andrew 10.12.10 19:08

If you smile the world smiles back!

----- Donna Davidson 10.12.10 18:58


----- Mundy Hackett 10.12.10 18:45

“The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.”
Jack Handey

----- Sandra 10.12.10 18:42

Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station!

(This is the only joke I know. For actually funny things, check out the West Wing…)

----- Allison 10.12.10 18:39

once i tought i was wrong…but i was mistaken

----- keith messina 10.12.10 18:34

kittens! they make everyone smile! no? kittens in mittens!

----- curtis 10.12.10 18:09

I’m going to a cookie exchange this Saturday, and that’s bound to be fun!

----- Joe Wasserman 10.12.10 17:48

Sad panda wants you to smile

----- Danielle 10.12.10 17:40

Chuck Norris can skip 2 iPhone pages in one finger swipe. Fo’ realz.

----- Amy 10.12.10 17:23

Every time my (white) boyfriend and I go into an Asian restaurant, which we do quite frequently, he gets asked by the waiters if he needs a fork to replace the chopsticks at the table. Stop racial utensil discrimination!

----- Anh 10.12.10 17:17

Do you know how many situations MacGyver could escape with all of this?!?!?

----- Mike 10.12.10 17:01

I’ve wanted a set of those matroska measuring cups since I first saw them.

----- tudza 10.12.10 16:52

Future Posters, I have been sent back in time to post a funny comment to make you all smile and ran into my other comment on the internet. I am now stuck in a time-space conundrum

----- David Rieman 10.12.10 16:38

Everyone was kung fu fighting!
Those cats were fast as lightning!

----- B Louie 10.12.10 16:32

two days ago i went to visit my friend to his apartment, i just went in without knoking and went directly to his room. in there was a whole family looking at me weird. after a minute that felt like an hour i realised that i pressed the wrong button on the elevator

----- ricardo garza 10.12.10 15:59

I am farting right now.

----- Belinda Carpentier 10.12.10 15:39

I LOVE Fred!

Here’s my favorite video ever. It always makes me smile: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXXm696UbKY

----- Monica 10.12.10 15:32

“I used to be self-conscious because of my height, but then I thought, f*** that, I’m Harry Potter!”
-Daniel Radcliffe

----- Laura R 10.12.10 15:31


----- Jaime 10.12.10 15:11

Help! I’m being held hostage in a broccoli forrest and I need ninjabread men to rescue me!

----- Laurita 10.12.10 15:10

I love those matryoshka measuring cups!

“At what age do you tell a highway it was adopted? I think seven, because that’s about the time he starts to think, ‘I don’t look like Kiwanis club.’” - Zach Galifianakis

----- Jesi 10.12.10 15:10

Happy Holidays Everyone. Hope your holidays are filled with deliciousness and Fred products ;)

----- Desiree G 10.12.10 15:09

Pull my finger…

----- gilberto 10.12.10 14:51

i like big butts and i cannot lie, you other brothers [and sistas] can’t deny…
when a girl [or boy] walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung…

----- justin p 10.12.10 14:49

puppies and kittens and NOTCOT! OH JOY!

----- Woodsie 10.12.10 14:20

tickle slow loris!
(don’t know it? youtube!)

----- Alice 10.12.10 14:18

How did the shrimp lose his virginity? SENIOR PRAWN!

----- Holly 10.12.10 14:16

The best I can do is to post this cute picture of a bunny: http://pet-pet-blog.net/petpet/wp-content/photo_helicopterbunny.jpg Soooooo cute!

----- Lara 10.12.10 14:15

What fantastic swag!

----- Kelly 10.12.10 14:04

i love notcot
i love fred
products :)

----- matthew yasuda 10.12.10 13:54

I wear a fake moustache over my real moustache :-

----- Allen 10.12.10 13:51

The moustache would be purr-fect for my cat….

----- Piergiorgio 10.12.10 13:40

Right, said FRED!!

----- patty 10.12.10 13:35


----- Lea 10.12.10 13:34

It’s called “fast” food because you’re supposed to eat it really fast. Otherwide, you might actually taste it.

Love the ninja bread men!

----- Kelly 10.12.10 13:31

Aww Shucks these are the cutest stocking stuffers ever!

----- Jessica 10.12.10 13:15

I’m high, all right. But not on false drugs. I’m high on the REAL thing! Powerful gasoline, a clean windshield and a shoeshine!

----- Jeffery 10.12.10 13:10

This giveaway just inspired me to hug homeless people. Thats how happy i am about this.

----- Taylor 10.12.10 13:08

My 4 year old nephew is really into tools theese days. He addores his grandfathers and their’s “biggest in the world” collections of tools. So trying to give a copliment to his mommy he said: “You are so pretty, like pliers!”

----- Iva 10.12.10 13:06

The handle bar is sooooo sexy !

----- Pierre 10.12.10 13:04

“I’ve got a handle bar none,” said Fred.
But Flora fried an egg in anger.
Her M-cups grazed the perfect perch
and Beat It blared in the background.
Ninja breadmen brain-freezed, “This is your life
on ice.” Equal-measure teacupcakes
and cuchi cuchi.

----- Jennifer "Pixie" Alhasa 10.12.10 13:03

My dog has no nose.

How does he smell?


----- Cole 10.12.10 13:02

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?


----- Robert 10.12.10 13:01

Giving service is like peeing your pants.
Everyone can see what you’ve done, but only you can feel the warmth!

----- Jonathan Kent 10.12.10 12:53

My baby puke on my husbands face and he got some in his mouth. Gross I know but it was funny for me!would love to win this one!

----- sindy 10.12.10 12:53

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

Okay can’t take all the credit for that—it was Groucho Marx.

----- Jessi 10.12.10 12:45

What did one snowman say to the other?

Do you smell carrots?

----- Ryan 10.12.10 12:44

I see you driving
around town with the girl I love
and i’m like, haiku

----- Jes 10.12.10 12:42

Definitely some ninja sugar cookies!

----- Ginny 10.12.10 12:41

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. He asks
the man his name. “Fred,” he replies.
>”Fred what?” the officer asks.
>”Just Fred,” the man responds. The officer is in a good mood, doesn’t smell
>alcohol, and thinks he might just give the fellow a break and write him out a
>warning instead of a ticket. So the officer then presses him for the last

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with
>”Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?”
>The man replies, “It’s a long story, so stay with me.”
>”I was born Fred Dingaling. I know — a funny last name. The kids used to
>tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself, studied hard, and got good
>grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went
>through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my
>degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.
>”After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
>Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then
>I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.
>”Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and
>she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA
>found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred
>Dingaling, MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS
>because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with
>VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I’m just Fred.”

>The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

----- David. b 10.12.10 12:30

Polar bears are left-handed.

----- Bianca 10.12.10 12:29

Preposterous! Those aren’t NinjaBread men. If they were, we’d never see them. That’s like rule #1.

----- Jeffrey Gardner 10.12.10 12:26

I want this one bad

----- phil 10.12.10 12:26

Hm… something fun? I’m playing a browser-based game called Echo Bazaar at the moment, it’s pretty fun~

----- icitea/clare 10.12.10 12:14

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?


----- quinn 10.12.10 12:12

Why don’t blind people skydive?
Because it scares the crap out of the dog!

Thanks for the giveaway!

----- Katie 10.12.10 12:04

I Need.

----- Jessica 10.12.10 11:53

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils

----- Anna Hinojosa 10.12.10 11:48

thanks fred, you make growing up fun.

----- natalie 10.12.10 11:42

I would love this prize to help make cooking with my daughters even more fun, and what’s more smile worthy than a father teaching his daughters to cook?

----- Thomas 10.12.10 11:40

There once was a man from the Yukon
Who owned a magnificent toucan.
He taught it to fight:
Down, down-right, then right,
It let out a fearsome hadouken!

----- Martine 10.12.10 11:38

Leafy spoons may seem funny, but once or twice I actually detected little green sprouts rising from the sinkhole - from the graubs of wheat that sometimes fall into it. Raise your own garden in the kitchen!

----- domjan Peterne 10.12.10 11:36


----- Sean 10.12.10 11:36

A fly was very close to being called a “land,” cause that’s what they do half the time. -Mitch Hedberg

I love Fred!

----- chris may 10.12.10 11:24

Brain freezes for the gastronomically conscious paramedic! Wow!

----- Erika 10.12.10 11:22

Ninja cookies, covered completely in the darkest chocolate. That’s awesome (but also hard to find at night)

----- Linda Domjan 10.12.10 11:22

My fake plants died, because I did not pretend to water them.
~ Mitch Hedberg

----- Lauren 10.12.10 11:19

I don’t think I’ve ever been in my kitchen

----- lindsey k 10.12.10 11:18

Om nom nom!! ima panda!!

----- Collin Banko 10.12.10 11:16

Two pretzels were walking down the street when one was assaulted!

I’m so sorry, I only know one joke and it’s this one.

----- Leslie 10.12.10 11:01

Those ninja cookie cutters are bad-ass!

Here’s a cheesy food/kitchen related joke:

What does Jay-Z eat when he is on a budget?


----- aldo 10.12.10 10:50

*ahem* Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Cash who?
I didn’t know you were some kind of nut!

----- Tooky 10.12.10 10:50

want!! my girlfriend even has the measuring cups on her xmas list for our house!!

and for a smile: http://cuteoverload.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/img_0037-copy.jpg

----- gray 10.12.10 10:49

my last name is Fu. that’s spelled f-u.

----- Jacob 10.12.10 10:47

Infamously bad pick up line—-

Excuse me, can you tell me what material my shirt is? Just feel it.
Okay (feels shirt) …I don’t know…
Wait, I know what it is…it’s boyfriend material…what up!!!

----- Rebecca 10.12.10 10:46

Ninja cookies seem iffy to me. You make think you took them out by eating them, but I wouldn’t at all be surprised if the cookie slit your throat on the way down your trachea or made you choke.

----- an 10.12.10 10:41

“Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like bananas.” —Groucho Marx

----- Jak 10.12.10 10:40

Does syrup have sugar? Then Yes!

----- Trevor 10.12.10 10:37

The first pic of the mustache bottle opener is great!
it is saying to me after a couple open bottles, it no longer matters if the girl has a mustache!

----- tony f 10.12.10 10:34

So cool that I hope the make one that looks like a bicycle handlebar.

----- Diana 10.12.10 10:34

“Did you know?”
- Mameshiba, the dog-shaped bean
See here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ss6d3ogxfXc

----- Hannah 10.12.10 10:29

Love me some random Chuck Norris.

Two nuns walked into a bar!
The third nun ducked.

----- Byron 10.12.10 10:28

I’m with stupids

----- Benjamin 10.12.10 10:26

My boyfriend daydreamed about a ninjabread men video game. Those cookie cutters would make his life…:)

----- Kristie 10.12.10 10:24

A chicken and an egg are sitting in bed together. The chicken lights a cigarette, turns to the egg and says, “Well I guess we answered THAT question.”

----- Jeremy B 10.12.10 10:22

My favorite French spoonerism says “Salut Fred!”. It took me time to understand it but it makes me laugh each time I hear it now (especially when you know someone called Fred, you hear it often).

----- Baptiste 10.12.10 10:22

In the UK we have Christmas crackers; these come with a paper crown, a small gift and a (usually terrible) joke http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_cracker. This is my most awful Christmas cracker joke so far this year; Q, How many chimneys does Father Christmas go down? Stacks! (groan)

----- Rosie 10.12.10 10:19

What do you call a Zebra with a popped collar?

A Ze-Bro!

----- Drew 10.12.10 10:18

hmm that is a weird question.

Im on a blog
im on a blog
everybody look at me cause Im writing on a blog…


----- ben mouch 10.12.10 10:18

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t

----- Jeremy 10.12.10 10:16

Ahh, I wish I came up with the idea of ninja cookie cutters! That’s so cool! :)

----- CeeCee 10.12.10 10:15

I really like the kind of lame jokes that one tells to kindergartners (and I really like Fred), so:

What do donkeys send out at the holidays?
Muletide greetings!

What do baby sweet potatoes wear to bed?

and of course…

Where did the king keep his armies?
In his sleevies!

----- Liz 10.12.10 10:14

how about be happy.
Its the holidays, life is beautiful and fun.
And with these even more.

----- Nestor Jaz Dutan 10.12.10 10:08

It’s almost 2011 and neither the zombies or robots have taken over! Earth is #1!

----- Sara F 10.12.10 10:08

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

----- Kelsey J 10.12.10 10:08

“If you see a friend without a smile; give him one of yours.”

----- Adri 10.12.10 10:07

So cool.. I love FRED!!! Been wishing for ninjabread men for Christmas!!

----- Tran 10.12.10 10:07

A guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays.After looking at the menu he says, “I’ll just have the eggs benedict.” His order comes a while later and it’s served on a giant shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, “What’s with the hubcap?”

The waiter sings, “There’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.”


----- Becky 10.12.10 10:03

If you are what you eat, would this make me (ginger) ninja?

----- Ian S. 10.12.10 10:03

poop. fart.
thank you. i’ll be here all week.

----- janete 10.12.10 10:00

I’ve been a good girl (with an occasional naughtiness)… please Santa no lumps of coal this year and have Ninjabread cookie cutters!
Hi -yahh!

----- Garland 10.12.10 09:59

Keep Calm and Wait For Fred.

----- Suelynn 10.12.10 09:57

a peanut is neither a pea nor a nut :)

----- devin 10.12.10 09:56

The brain freeze ice tray would be the ultimate addition to my Zombie inspired holiday party! I know you wanna come or at least see the pictures all over my blog!

----- Lindsay 10.12.10 09:54

if you rearrange the letters in “Spiro Agnew”, you can spell “grow a penis”.

that might not be the most appropriate comment, but i was trying hard to think of a zinger to win this awesome prize and that was the best i could muster!!

----- liza 10.12.10 09:54

my dog knows one joke: hey kimble, how was your walk outside in the cold today? “RRRUFF!”

----- elena 10.12.10 09:53

The only thing better then a moustache ride is a handlebar moustache that opens beer & wine & doesn’t always want to play video games.

----- Amber 10.12.10 09:50

We can’t keep our dog inside the house and when our door is open for quite a while she’ll let herself in and plant herself flat on the floor and we literally have to push her out because she would not budge. So adorable.

----- Nina 10.12.10 09:49

Oh, the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since we’ve no place to go,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

It doesn’t show signs of stopping,
And I brought some corn for popping;
The lights are turned way down low,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

When we finally say good night,
How I’ll hate going out in the storm;
But if you really hold me tight,
All the way home I’ll be warm.

The fire is slowly dying,
And, my dear, we’re still good-bye-ing,
But as long as you love me so.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

----- marta 10.12.10 09:41

Why is an elephant big, gray and wrinkled?

Because if it were small, white and smooth, it’d be an aspirin.

----- Kevin 10.12.10 09:39

That’s a nice set!

Free mustache rides… in honor of Movember.

----- Adrian 10.12.10 09:39

birds on a wire - !

----- jay 10.12.10 09:37


----- Miguel 10.12.10 09:35


----- Maria Lara 10.12.10 09:34

Cookie ninjas eat
cupcakes and keep the world safe
for ice brains and birds

----- Micheleinthecouv 10.12.10 09:30

‘A new study by researchers at Carnegie Mellon University, published in Science, shows that when you imagine eating a certain food, it reduces your actual consumption of that food.’ Imagine all the holiday treats that won’t get you fat this year!

----- Cill 10.12.10 09:30

Helvetica walks into a bar and orders a drink.
Bartender says
“Sorry, we don’t serve your type here.”

*ba dum bum*

----- Andrew 10.12.10 09:30

Oh, the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful,
And since we’ve no place to go,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

It doesn’t show signs of stopping,
And I brought some corn for popping;
The lights are turned way down low,
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

When we finally say good night,
How I’ll hate going out in the storm;
But if you really hold me tight,
All the way home I’ll be warm.

The fire is slowly dying,
And, my dear, we’re still good-bye-ing,
But as long as you love me so.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

----- marta mascheroni 10.12.10 09:28

Something to make people smile? Okay!
My niece is four and was drawing symbols on a piece of paper with a crayon. My sister was watching her draw and asked her what she was doing.
“I’m writing in Spanish.”
So what does it mean? To which my niece responded:
“I don’t know! I don’t know Spanish!”

----- Allison 10.12.10 09:24

Growing up is overrated! Being an adult kid is the best! :D

----- Nina 10.12.10 09:22

I love Fred & Friends. Last summer I had dental interns and ordered them the denture ice cube trays for a parting gift. Too funny!

----- Andrea 10.12.10 09:22

My co-worker needed to use the bathroom so bad that she intentionally wrapped up a phone meeting to go relieve herself, only to find it occupied by another co-worker… she was so equal parts pissed and needing to pee (get that play on words?) that she just ran down the block to the closest Starbucks to use their restroom. I guess you had to be there, but I thought it was pretty funny.

----- Stacy B. 10.12.10 09:22

Chuck Norris doesn’t have a chin
There is just another fist behind the beard.

ps- I have been dying to get those ninjabread men cookie cutters!

----- Jillian! 10.12.10 09:20

There was a young man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two.

There was a young man from Verdun.

----- April 10.12.10 09:19

I’ve just bought myself some new aftershave. Smells strangely like breadcrumbs but apparently the birds love it…

----- Jonathan 10.12.10 09:13

If I won the ninja bread men I would pose them in a Ninja kunfu showdown staged outside of a gingerbread house with little snowmen as captives. It’s sadistic but humorous.

----- Jo 10.12.10 09:10

A little girl asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. The little girl said, “If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six”

Have a great day everyone & good luck to all of you(and me of curse)

----- Jaime Figueroa 10.12.10 09:08


----- Jason 10.12.10 09:04

I’m not Wilma but I LOVE Fred. Happy Holidays NOTCOT! :)

----- Jackie 10.12.10 09:03

How fun

----- Britt 10.12.10 09:01

Yes! Just moved and need to add some steez to my bare kitchen.

----- Julia 10.12.10 09:00

No matter how bad things get, remember! You’re not Glenn Beck!

----- Mark Yturralde 10.12.10 08:58

I just moved into my first apartment. This would be a great sprucer-upper!

----- Dakota ortiz 10.12.10 08:56

What a great bundle, I love Fred!

----- Lanae 10.12.10 08:52

I have been dying to make ninjabread men ever since I first saw those cookie cutters! So funny and cute!

Combining ninjas with anything is pretty much always a great idea. Like the time my sister threw a disco-ninjas party… For example: she dressed in a 70’s wrap dress, wore an afro wig, made a necklace with a gold ninja star on a gold chain, and wore a gold ninja mask. It was pretty funny to see what everyone came up with. Next up: vampirate party! (I don’t know if this is really that entertaining to others… but at least we amuse ourselves?)

----- Diana 10.12.10 08:50

I’ve been told that I’m funny looking, so now I guess I would be able to keep my guests even more entertained with both my looks and my house appliances:)

----- Philip Gundersen 10.12.10 08:47

A duck walks into a bar a asks the bartender for some grapes. The bartender says, “We don’t serve ducks, get out of here!” The next day the duck returns and again asks the bartender for some grapes. The bartender warns the duck that if he comes back the next day, he’ll nail his bill to the bar. The duck nods and leaves. The very next day, the duck returns. “Hey there. Got any nails?” He says. The bartender looks puzzled and says no. The duck replies, “Good! Got any grapes?”

A favorite joke from when I was younger! hope it makes the rest of you smile!

----- Christina 10.12.10 08:46

Who doesn’t appreciate a good limerick!

There once was a lady named Fred
her hair was curly and red
she met a boy named Sue
didn’t know what to do
so each dressed as the other instead


There once was a dinosaur named Fred
Who liked to eat nothing but bread.
But it had not been invented
So he grew thin and dented
And soon he was lying there dead.


----- Culleen 10.12.10 08:35

being sexy is NOT about exposing your body!
it’s all about exposing the inner power in you.
have a rawkin’ holiday, sexy beings! :)

----- genoveva hega d.m. 10.12.10 08:34

Those ninja cookie cutters are so cool! Everything is cool but they are my favorite. I’d live to break some ninja cookies up in my mouth.

----- Scott Yates 10.12.10 08:34

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